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most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v.4

most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 4
In today's world, there are lots of people who cannot afford a house for themselves. Some people believe that these people could be benefited only by supporting economically. This essay will discuss why I completely disagree with this proposition because there are alternatives to support these people, such as education, meals, employment, and etc. To embark on, firstly, the main objective of communities is to provide residence to people who are not capable enough to live in their own house and stay in slum areas. Just providing them fund might not suffice the purpose of giving them a shelter to live as it is not necessary that these individuals are going to utilise the offered amount for constructing a home, instead there is a possibility of misusing that money. For instance, some people in my country usually do not use the money in an appropriate way, especially it is offered as a help. Hence, rather than helping economically, one can get free education and meals as a support. Moreover, the reason why only money would not be beneficial for poor people, especially, who do not have their own house is that, they barely would understand the value of earning until they do it themselves. For instance, money offered for one time would be limited one. However, employment will offer funding for the long run. Hence, providing employment instead of money would give them a better chance to arrange a house. To recapitulate, this essay discussed why only money would no be a great help for citizens without home because this money offered might be misused by people and it will be a static for just a certain time period. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the proposition that economic help alone would not be useful for people who does not have a home
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot afford a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
be benefited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by supporting
economically
. This essay will discuss why I completely disagree with this proposition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are alternatives to support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as education, meals, employment,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.

To embark on,
firstly
, the main objective of communities is to provide residence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and stay in slum areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
providing them fund might not suffice the purpose of giving them a shelter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as it is not necessary that these individuals are going to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offered
amount for constructing a home,
instead
there is a possibility of misusing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my country
usually
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate way
,
especially
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Hence
,
rather
than helping
economically
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free education and meals as a support.

Moreover
, the reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would not be beneficial for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is that, they
barely
would understand the value of earning until they do it themselves.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offered
for one time would
be limited
one.
However
, employment will offer funding for the long run.
Hence
, providing employment
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would give them a better chance to arrange a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

To recapitulate, this essay discussed why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for citizens without home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offered
might
be misused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it will be a static for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a certain time period. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the proposition that economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
alone would not be useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
does
not have a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
home
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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