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Nowadays consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s lives. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.10

Nowadays consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s lives. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10
The technical devices have made a compelling appearance in the market today due to extensive use of these products. Some identify this as a positive development while others are more concerned about the negative aspect of this scenario. Both of these views will be discussed in this essay. To begin with, the new technical equipment have made the lives of the people rather easier in recent times. For example, the mobile phones and laptops provide numerous benefits to the owners. First and the most important, the people can keep in contact with their loved ones via this device. Moreover, the internet can be accessed at any time with the help of mobile phones which help the people to be more productive. Moreover, computers have increased the efficiency of the workplaces by significant amounts and helped to reduce the use of papers, hence, demoting the deforestation. Considering the economical benefits, a large number of job opportunities produced by this equipment. Nevertheless, there are certain drawbacks of this phenomenon. Firstly, some people start to get addicted to this electronic components. For instance, a large portion of the today's society, prefer spending their time with such equipment than their families. Therefore, this has endangered the future existence of the human. Looking at the effect on this to the nature, these products have become a major issue of the sustainability of the environment. Because, after using them most people throw them to the nature. As a result, they become the e-waste that is more alarming for the future of the mother nature. In conclusion, although the increased purchases of new gadgets such as phones and laptops have helped people to me more productive and created new jobs. In my opinion, this has led the individuals to be isolated and generated some environmental concerns.
The technical devices have made a compelling appearance in the market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
due to extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
identify this as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development while others are more concerned about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of this scenario. Both of these views will
be discussed
in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the new technical equipment have made the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
easier in recent times.
For example
, the mobile phones and laptops provide numerous benefits to the owners.
First
and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in contact with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones via this device.
Moreover
, the internet can
be accessed
at any time with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of mobile phones which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more productive.
Two successive sentences begin with the same adverb. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Moreover
, computers have increased the efficiency of the workplaces by significant amounts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of papers,
hence
, demoting the deforestation. Considering the
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
benefits,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
job opportunities produced by this equipment.

Nevertheless
, there are certain drawbacks of this phenomenon.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to this electronic components.
For instance
, a large portion of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society, prefer spending their time with such equipment than their families.
Therefore
, this has endangered the future existence of the human. Looking at the effect on this to the nature, these products have become a major issue of the sustainability of the environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, after using them most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throw them to the nature.
As a result
, they become the e-waste
that is
more alarming for the future of the mother nature.

In conclusion
, although the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of new gadgets such as phones and laptops have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to me more productive and created new jobs. In my opinion, this has led the individuals to
be isolated
and generated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental concerns.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s lives. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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