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Wild animals have no use in the 21<sup>st</sup> century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. v.5

Wild animals have no use in the 21<sup>st</sup> century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. v. 5
Since the explosion of population, humans have taken a large amount of space and resource on earth. Some social scientists are convinced that it is pointless to spend money on preserving wild animals, as it might not have sufficient places for them to survive in the 21st century. Personally, I am inclined to the view that we should give priority to protecting wild animals over any other things. First and foremost, it is absurd to argue that it is not necessary to protect the wild animals. They play an essential role on earth and we get together to share the world. If they were extinct in the world, it would break the balance of the ecosystem. For instance, it is common to see that if we over hunted sparrows, pests would cause severe disasters in the agriculture field. As a result, without preserving animals, the living environment of mankind would suffer more challenges. In addition, I strongly believe that there are still a plenty of room for wild animals to live in the world. More specifically, there are many environments are not suitable for people to live, while those places are animals’ ideal paradise. Moreover, if humans protected  animals‘ habitats，they can create a better environment for us. For example, rainforest could produce oxygen, absorb the carbon dioxide and make climate stability. On the other hand, the opponents may argue that it is not necessary to prevent the wild animals. However, this view does not seem justifiable because it fails to take into account the validity of the two reasons noted above. In conclusion, after all, the above factors considered, it could be argue that protecting the ecosystem and the letting us having more comfortable environment are the main reasons of the wild animals' conservation. It is better to live side by side with wild animals and make our life peaceful and stability.
Since the explosion of population, humans have taken a large amount of space and resource on earth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
social scientists
are convinced
that it is pointless to spend money on preserving wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, as it might not have sufficient places for them to survive in the 21st century.
Personally
, I
am inclined
to the view that we should give priority to protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
over any other things.

First
and foremost, it is absurd to argue that it is not necessary to protect the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. They play an essential role on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
earth and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together to share the world. If they were extinct in the world, it would break the balance of the ecosystem.
For instance
, it is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that if we over hunted sparrows, pests would cause severe disasters in the agriculture field.
As a result
, without preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, the living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
of mankind would suffer more challenges.

In addition
, I
strongly
believe that there are
still
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of room for wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the world. More
specifically
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
are not suitable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, while those places are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
ideal paradise.
Moreover
, if humans protected
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals‘
The character '，' is not a standard comma, although it can look like a comma. Use "habitats, they".
habitats，they
can create a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for us.
For example
, rainforest could produce oxygen, absorb the carbon dioxide and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
climate stability.

On the other hand
, the opponents may argue that it is not necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
However
, this view does not seem justifiable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it fails to take into account the validity of the two reasons noted above.

In conclusion
,
after all
, the above factors considered, it could be
Consider using the past participle "argued"?
argue
that protecting the ecosystem and the letting us having more comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
are the main reasons of the wild animals' conservation. It is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
side by side with wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life peaceful and stability.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Wild animals have no use in the 21<sup>st</sup> century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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