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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.22

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 22
Music nowadays has turned to be an activity by which many of us relax. Many people feel so much relaxed by listening music and while others find themselves more comfortable with playing music more often. Music is used to cheer up your mood and state of mind. You feel internal peace and its help you forget all your tensions. The World is divided into many different cultures and traditions. Every part of the world has its own unique identity. Different countries of the world and people of different countries have their own likes and dislikes. Similarly, when we talk about music, it also differs from region to region. While subcontinent people are more attracted towards classical music which is often a slow rhythmic music and people of western people like the fast track music because classical music is the part of the culture of the subcontinent and mostly on different occasions and on different events people prefer classical music over rock music. But as the world is forwarding fast day-by-day and advancement are taking place in every field, same is true for the music. In music nowadays there are different kinds of music introduced which are also good for listeners. I personally believe that people put more attention and show a high level of interest when something which is directly related to their tradition and culture and same goes for music. Especially in our subcontinent, people are attracted towards traditional music as compared to international or foreign music and people give more importance to their traditions because tradition is something which makes you proud or we can say that it’s your identity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
nowadays has turned to be an activity by which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us relax.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much relaxed by listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and while others find themselves more
Consider using "comfortable playing".
comfortable with playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cheer up your mood and state of mind. You feel internal peace and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you forget all your tensions.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
is divided
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. Every part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique identity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
countries of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
likes and dislikes.
Similarly
, when we talk about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it
also
differs from region to region. While subcontinent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more attracted towards classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a slow rhythmic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the part of the culture of the subcontinent and
mostly
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
occasions and on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
over rock music.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is forwarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
day-by-day and advancement are taking place in every field, same is true for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
nowadays there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
introduced which are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for listeners.

I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put more attention and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a high level of interest when something which is
directly
related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and culture and same goes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Especially
in our subcontinent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
towards traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as compared to international or foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give more importance to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
is something which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
proud or
we can say that it’s your identity.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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