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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.23

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 23
Music has been one the most popular aspects of the art and undeniably has a special place in our daily lives. We mostly listen to different types of music when we go anywhere from our houses to shopping malls, festivals and parties and it seems that music is an inseparable part of various environments. In other words, living one day without listening to music is very hard and perhaps because of this reason, music has been considered as the food of the mind no matter listening to traditional types or international ones. The reason that we need music is embedded in its effect on our feelings. In fact, music easily puts us in different moods and makes new frames for our minds in different situations. For example, it gives us energy when we are exercising or makes us more relaxed when we have a dinner party with friends. Sometimes it’s the best way to be awake when we are driving a long distance and sometimes it opens the horizon for us to remind some sweet memories of our lives. Therefore, music can break the monotony of life, recharges our batteries and makes our favourite atmosphere in each second of living. However, there have been lots of debates about the importance of traditional music or international one, music is just a tasty matter and no measure can be taken to show the importance of different types of music. Put another way, people prefer to listen to their favourite list and choose something which can response to their needs. So anyone would be attracted to a kind of music composition, music genre or lyric and it’s not logically to encourage people to listen to a specific sort of music or opening which music is suitable and more important. I think, therefore, music is such a miracle which anyone can exploit it according to his feelings or character and no prescription can be written for people to cherish or listen to a style of music. People listen to what they like and it’s the reality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has been
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most popular aspects of the art and
undeniably
has a special place in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. We
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when we go anywhere from our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to shopping malls, festivals and parties and it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an inseparable part of various environments.
In other words
, living one day without listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and perhaps
because of this
reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
been considered
as the food of the mind no matter listening to traditional types or international ones.

The reason that we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is embedded
in its effect on our feelings. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
easily
puts us in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
moods and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
new frames for our minds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
situations.
For example
, it gives us energy when we are exercising or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us more relaxed when we have a dinner party with friends.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it’s the best way to be awake when we are driving a long distance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it opens the horizon for us to remind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sweet memories of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can break the monotony of life, recharges our batteries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
atmosphere in each second of living.

However
, there have been lots of debates about the importance of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or international one,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a tasty matter and no measure can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Put another way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
list and choose something which can response to their needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
anyone would
be attracted
to a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
composition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genre or lyric and it’s not
logically
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to a specific sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or opening which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is suitable and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is such a miracle which anyone can exploit it according to his feelings or character and no prescription can
be written
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cherish or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to a style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to what they like and it’s the reality.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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