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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.21

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 21
It’s often said that “music is like magic” and it is indeed true, since music work as a divine magic for us. Music, for many of us, is a way of living. There are many who can’t live a life without listening music each day. Music is the foods of a soul to them. Music impresses us, inspires us, tells an untold story, remedy us and let us understand others. There are many different types of music almost in each language of the world and they vary from religious type to anthem and even hard rock or rap. The listeners of the music decide what to listen and it greatly depends on upon mood, time, level and age. But I believe no matter what type of music one listens, we need to listen and preserve our own traditional music hence traditional music says what we really are. There are lots of importances of music in our life. Music let us know the position of a nation against war and music it's a message that reaches to all for all over the ages. Music refreshes ourselves and inspires us to do something. With the modern communication facility, satellite channels and the internet, people today hear music from other parts of the world. Teenagers are greatly influenced by the western music and they even don’t like the traditional or country music. It’s very natural that generation will follow their own trends and choices and will accept only what they feel like to accept, but traditional music bear the old history, lifestyle and tradition of a country. And as part of education, everybody should know about his/her own tradition. So we should listen to the music that attracts us and really inspires not matter where are they from what whatever their genre are, but we should not ignore our own traditional music.
It’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“music
is like magic” and it is
indeed
true, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
work as a divine magic for us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us, is a way of living. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life without listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
each day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is the foods of a soul to them.

Music impresses us, inspires us,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
an untold story, remedy us and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us understand others. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
almost in each language of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they vary from religious type to anthem and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
rock or rap. The listeners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
decide what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
and it
greatly
depends on upon mood, time, level and age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe no matter what type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listens
, we need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
and preserve our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
says what we
really
are. There are lots of
Possible spelling mistake found.
importances
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in our life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us know the position of a nation against war and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
it's a message that reaches to all for all over the ages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
refreshes ourselves and inspires us to do something.

With the modern communication facility, satellite channels and the internet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from other parts of the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are
greatly
influenced by the western
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
they even don’t like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
or country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
natural that generation will follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
trends and choices and will accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
what they feel like to accept,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
bear the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
history, lifestyle and tradition of a country. And as part of education, everybody should know about his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tradition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that attracts us and
really
inspires not matter where are they from what whatever their genre are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 21

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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