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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.20

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 20
Kinds of music people listen nowadays are of different tastes and types. For instance, modern international pop and rap music, as well as classical traditional country songs all, vary from each other and people listen to them with great interests. This is because music has been part of our daily lives even in the ancient times. In this essay, reasons on why music is necessary for every Filipino people and  the importance of the Philippine traditional folk music over foreign songs that young Filipinos and Filipinas always hear will be discussed. Music is a vital part of every Filipinos' lives. Firstly, Philippine folks considered it to be one of the most popular and ancient modes of human expressions. It features largely in all histories and all cultures and indeed has been one of the main ways of passing on cultural traditions to new generations of the country. Secondly, because of this, many people view music as a positive influence for the societies. This influence on individuals is wholly beneficial as it is a long-established way of communicating and helping us understand the whole range of human emotion and experience in a more spiritual language than words can represent. However, the classical music traditions of the Philippines are not necessarily part of the music many Filipinos and Filipinas experience today. In the modern world today, most of the country's young people constantly exposed themselves to loud modern foreign songs as a result of globalisation via the Internet. But I think that it is more important for young people of the country to learn traditional music to enable them to know the origins of our Philippine ancestors. In conclusion, I think that we need traditional music because it is an integral part of the human expression that we cannot really separate from our lives even if there are the various evolution of modern music we tend to listen every day through the web nowadays such as American rap songs and Korean pop music.
Kinds of
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music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen nowadays are of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tastes and types.
For instance
,
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modern
international pop and rap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
as well
as classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
country songs all, vary from each other and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to them with great interests. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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music
has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
even in the ancient times. In this essay, reasons on why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is necessary for every Filipino
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people
and
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the importance of the Philippine
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traditional
folk
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music
over foreign songs that young Filipinos and
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Filipinas
always hear will
be discussed
.

Music is a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of every Filipinos'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Firstly
, Philippine folks considered it to be one of the most popular and ancient modes of human expressions. It features
largely
in all histories and all cultures and
indeed
has been one of the main ways of passing on cultural traditions to new generations of the country.
Secondly
,
because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence for the societies. This influence on individuals is wholly beneficial as it is a long-established way of communicating and helping us understand the whole range of human emotion and experience in a more spiritual language than words can represent.

However
, the classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
traditions of the Philippines are not
necessarily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Filipinos and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Filipinas
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In the
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modern
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, most of the country's young
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people
constantly
exposed themselves to loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
foreign songs
as a result
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
via the Internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for young
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people
of the country to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to enable them to know the origins of our Philippine ancestors.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is an integral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the human expression that we cannot
really
separate from our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
even if there are the various evolution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
we tend to listen every day through the web nowadays such as American rap songs and Korean pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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