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Why local people do not visit the historical site and museums. Discuss the reasons and give a solution to this problem. v.1

Why local people do not visit the historical site and museums. Discuss the reasons and give a solution to this problem. v. 1
Heritage is the most treasured element of any society yet these ancient monuments are not visited by local people. The absence of local footfalls on such sites is because of the lack of curiosity to visit these places. However, the organisation of events at such places can encourage people to visit these sites often. Lack of curiosity in people to see these buildings is one of the reasons for less local people visiting these places. Since these people grow up in the vicinity of these buildings, they already know all the details and historical significance around them which kills their curiosity to have a closer look at these sites. For example, the Taj Mahal in India also referred to as the world's seventh wonder has 90 per cent of foreign visitors each year whereas 60 per cent of people from this country has not visited this place yet. Evidently, this reason explains the fewer footfalls of local people on historical sites and museums. In order to encourage more local people to visit such sites, the authorities should organize lucrative events at these places. The government should advertise these places to locals by holding important public gatherings and other activities of social importance. To illustrate, the Red Fort in the capital of India is one of its major historical structure where the Republic Day parade is held annually attracting locals in huge numbers to attend this celebration. Therefore, the government has a key role to play in keeping the importance of their heritage alive. In conclusion, lack of interest keep people away from visiting their local ancient buildings and museums however, organising special events can lure people towards these places. Heritage is something that should be respected and people should be made aware of its importance.
Heritage is the most treasured element of any society
yet
these ancient monuments are not visited by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
footfalls on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of curiosity to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
However
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
at such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.

Lack of curiosity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these buildings is one of the reasons for less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow up in the vicinity of these buildings, they already know all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and historical significance around them which kills their curiosity to have a closer look at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
For example
, the Taj Mahal in India
also
referred to as the world's seventh wonder has 90 per cent of foreign visitors each year whereas 60 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from this country has not visited this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
yet
.
Evidently
, this reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the fewer footfalls of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and museums.

In order to encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, the authorities should organize lucrative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should advertise these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
by holding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
public gatherings and other activities of social importance. To illustrate, the Red Fort in the capital of India is one of its major historical structure where the Republic Day parade
is held
annually
attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
in huge numbers to attend this celebration.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has a key role to play in keeping the importance of their heritage alive.

In conclusion
, lack of interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
away from visiting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
ancient buildings and museums
however
,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organise' and 'organize') within a single text.
organising
special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can lure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Heritage is something that should
be respected
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be made
aware of its importance.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Why local people do not visit the historical site and museums. Discuss the reasons and give a solution to this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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