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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bar. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bar. v. 1
The prisons were created way back in the ancient time in order to punish people who committed crime. The majority of the people believe that, individuals who are committed minor crimes such as thieves and blackmailing etc. should be punished in term of community work on unpaid basis. I am partly agree on the condition unpaid work because, even though criminals have families and they need sort of some money to survive. Most of the people are confident that it is a better punishment idea for criminals by doing community unpaid work. This will definitely make them aware about an importance of the legal constitutions as well as social values. They will feel respected because, it’s a better way of punishment as compare to prison sentence for the particular period of time. For instance, in most of the criminal cases criminal commit crime again because, they will not get proper an employment, general public will not treat them respectfully and many more. But, with this different approach definitely they will think before committing crime again. On the other hand, the prisoner’s community work should be paid or partially paid because criminals also have families. Their full or partially paid work will help them to support their family finances to survive in real scenarios. For example, if criminal are getting paid for their work during that punishment period, they will definitely start working instead of thinking about wrongs ways of earning money. In conclusion, it will be a great idea to punish criminals by doing community work rather than prisoning. Nevertheless, it should be partially or fully paid in order to support their family.
The prisons
were created
way back in the ancient time in order to punish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, individuals who
are committed
minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as thieves and blackmailing etc. should
be punished
in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on unpaid basis. I am partly
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
on the condition unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families and
they need sort of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to survive.

Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are confident that it is a better punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware about an importance of the legal constitutions
as well
as social values. They will feel respected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it’s a better way of punishment as compare to prison sentence for the particular period of time.
For instance
, in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper an employment,
Consider using "public".
general public
will not treat them
respectfully
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approach definitely they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again.

On the other hand
, the prisoner’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
or
partially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
also
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Their full or
partially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
finances to survive in real scenarios.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
are getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during that punishment period, they will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working
instead
of thinking about wrongs ways of earning money.

In conclusion
, it will be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
prisoning
.
Nevertheless
, it should be
partially
or
fully
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
in order to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bar. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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