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Some people believe that employers should not concerned about the way their employees dress, but they should be concerned about the quality at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that employers should not concerned about the way their employees dress, but they should be concerned about the quality at work. v. 1
We have been living during the period when people are perhaps more image conscious than ever before due to social media and the influence of airbrushing in daily life and in the workplace. In my opinion, the work performance is necessary but it is not plays an important in workplace. On the other hand, only focusing on the quality of work could indeed boost productivity. For employers, the more productive their employees are, the more profit they will make. In this case, empowering and encouraging employees to improve the quality of work contributes to greater efficiency and increased income of the company and employers as well. But this also unfortunately create negative impacts on the company profitability. For examples, if employees wearing casually dressed attend a formal meeting, this is able to impress colleagues or collaborative partners as a worker who does not show enough respect, thus possibly leading to an unnecessary failure in cooperation. However, if employers prioritize the output of employees rather than a personal and professional appearance, this will also inflict o poor image both on the company and on its employees, especially in service industry. This is mainly because first impressions are crucial in these industries. Wearing a uniform or formal dress does not only show respect for customers and clients, but also reveals a high-quality, professional service or products, an effective performance to gain a positive image as well as customer loyalty. Moreover, the aspect of company, productivity, and profitability will gradually become worse and decrease, respectively. In conclusion, the quality of work is irreplaceable but it is not the driving factor behind the development of a company, and what employees wear and look in the workplace does matter for customers, employers and themselves.
We have been living during the period when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are perhaps more image conscious than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to social media and the influence of airbrushing in daily life and in the workplace. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
performance is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in workplace.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focusing on the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
could
indeed
boost productivity. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
, the more productive their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are, the more profit they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.
In this case
, empowering and encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
contributes to greater efficiency and increased income of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this
also
unfortunately create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
profitability. For examples, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
wearing
casually
dressed attend a formal meeting, this is able to impress colleagues or collaborative partners as a worker who does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
respect,
thus
possibly
leading to an unnecessary failure in cooperation.

However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
prioritize the output of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
rather
than a personal and professional appearance, this will
also
inflict o poor image both on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
especially
in service industry. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
first
impressions are crucial in these industries. Wearing a uniform or formal dress does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect for customers and clients,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
reveals a high-quality, professional service or products, an effective performance to gain a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
image
as well
as customer loyalty.
Moreover
, the aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, productivity, and profitability will
gradually
become worse and decrease,
respectively
.

In conclusion
, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is irreplaceable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the driving factor behind the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, and what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
wear and look in the workplace does matter for customers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
and themselves.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that employers should not concerned about the way their employees dress, but they should be concerned about the quality at work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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