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Why do more people choose to run their business online? What are the effects of this trend? v.2

Why do more people choose to run their business online? What are the effects of this trend? v. 2
Nowadays, most sellers decided to start their business career by the Internet. In this essay, I will explain two reasons why people sell their merchandise on the Internet and what effects they are. The increasing trend for online business among young adults comes from two major reasons. The most important reason for running an online business is the unlimited access to potential customers via the Internet. For attracting buyers, sellers should launch new products with high quality in order to enhance good reputation. By these ways, a business can increase the demand for the products which can be followed by the increase in sale figures. Next, this trend gives many conveniences not only for business but also comfortable for buyers through online shopping. Online businesses have not to spend much money on opening the traditional store and they can save money this way. Besides, after taking orders, sellers will pass products to their customers by ship services, this course is very quick and convenient. Online business has advantages and benefits for sellers. The first is cheeseparings money for the beginning of the business and this method is the first step for beginners who decided to start careers although their capitals do not allow for establishing traditional shops. Second is advertisements for products by websites which businesses update and post pictures of yields. Finally, online shops can activate all the time per day via the Internet. On the other hand, this trend causes some disadvantages for online businesses. The most important problem is swindle from buyers about payments of customers. In addition, the Internet is not really safe because of the low-security level and it maybe reveals personal information of people. Overall, online business is the most popular method that sellers choose to run.
Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sellers
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
career by the Internet. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
two reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
sell their merchandise on the Internet and what effects they are.

The increasing trend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
among young adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from two major reasons. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for running an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is the unlimited access to potential customers via the Internet. For attracting buyers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sellers
should launch new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with high quality in order to enhance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reputation. By these ways, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can increase the demand for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which can
be followed
by the increase in sale figures.
Next
, this trend gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conveniences not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
comfortable for buyers through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
have not to spend much money on opening the traditional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
store and
they can save money this way.
Besides
, after taking orders,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sellers
will pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to their customers by ship services, this course is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quick and convenient.

Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
has advantages and benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sellers
. The
first
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
cheeseparings
money for the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and this method is the
first
step for beginners who decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
careers although their capitals do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for establishing traditional shops.

Second is advertisements for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by websites which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
update and post pictures of yields.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops can activate all the time per day via the Internet.
On the other hand
, this trend causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problem is swindle from buyers about payments of customers.
In addition
, the Internet is not
really
safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the low-security level and it maybe reveals personal information of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is the most popular method that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sellers
choose to run.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Why do more people choose to run their business online? What are the effects of this trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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