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Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.5

Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this. v. 5
It is widely accepted that, the attitudes and opinions of the general public have been governed by the mass media and its holders, only limited ways available for people to correct this. I think this statement holds a valid ground because media affect the thinking of people in many ways. People know about the situation in the country from the reports by journalist who worked in various media organizations. However, these people are paid workers so their reporting inevitably biased towards the personal agendas of the owners. Moreover the heads of public media cooperations also appointed by the government, most of the times they are loyalist of the ruling party. Therefore, people who working in these places do not tend to publish any news adverse to the governing authority, even though, it is true or it can affect the society in a negative way. For example, state media always keep a censorship on corruption and mismanagement of the present government. Although, from the peoples side this trend happened to be an inexorable phenomenon, public cannot resist against this because the lack of amenities available to them. In a present juridical system acts about freedom of press create loopholes upon acting on legal procedure for any kind of misbehaviour in the media. Furthermore, only few independent platforms available for public to authenticate the facts in media briefs. In addition, governments hesitate to pass the laws against spreading fake news because of in some occasions it must be drawback to them such as lost in elections. To conclude, in most societies, people don't have any alternative source to get information so they undeniably rely on mass media by not considering its accuracy. Media owners always work on their own plans, to achieve their targets they always try to control the attitudes and opinions of the people from media ownership by them.
It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that, the attitudes and opinions of the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
have
been governed
by the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and its holders,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited ways available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to correct this. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this statement holds a valid ground
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
affect the thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
know about the situation in the country from the reports by journalist who worked in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
organizations.
However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are paid
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their reporting
inevitably
biased towards the personal agendas of the owners.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the heads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
cooperations
also
appointed by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
they are loyalist of the ruling party.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who working in these places do not tend to publish any news adverse to the governing authority,
even though
, it is true or it can affect the society in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.
For example
, state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a censorship on corruption and mismanagement of the present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Although, from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
side this trend happened to be an inexorable phenomenon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
cannot resist against this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the lack of amenities available to them. In a present juridical system acts about freedom of press create loopholes upon acting on legal procedure for any kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'misbehaviour' is British English.
misbehaviour
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few independent platforms available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to authenticate the facts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
briefs.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
hesitate to pass the laws against spreading fake news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be drawback to them such as lost in elections.

To conclude
, in most societies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't have any alternative source to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
undeniably
rely on mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
by not considering its accuracy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
owners always work on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
plans, to achieve their targets they always try to control the attitudes and opinions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
ownership by them.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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