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University students often focus on one subject. However some people think that universities should encourage a range of other subjects. To what extent do you agree? v.4

University students often focus on one subject. However some people think that universities should encourage a range of other subjects. v. 4
Nowadays, we are living in the era when college student generally focuses on a specific subject. Some people believe that proponent class also essential to learn. While I admit to a certain extent that learn various subjects also beneficial, I believe that focus on one particular class helps to attain specialization and expertise in that particular stream. Firstly, it cannot be denied that focus on a particular subject would help the individuals to attain perfection in that. This happens because students will invest most of their time to studying and reading the relevant material. As a result, they will gain deeper erudition or understanding of that teaching. For example, the majority of the students admitted to an engineering college turn out to be engineers, scientists or researchers. Furthermore, focusing entirely on a single major eliminates the chance of distraction among the students, which is more likely to happen in case wider choice are available to them. To illustrate, as an educator, I feel that some students do not possess vivid mindset when they applied for admission to colleges. Hence, if they have only a limited choice of subjects it does not create confusion in their minds about what major they will take in. On the other hand, if university students learn heaps of subjects, they will have a decent understanding of a variety of classes. This is useful for them who do not have clear vision about their dream job. Moreover, it also can help them to solve problems from different aspects. For instance, as an engineer, one of my friends think that it is quite essential to be mastered in social science, especially public speaking and physiology. Although we are masters in various aspects, it is unimportant if a person wants to be a doctor or a lawyer, they need in-depth understanding of those subjects and it is not ideal for them to learn several subjects at school. For example, a student aspiring to be an engineer does not have to learn geography or history. Therefore, it is better for students focusing on our specialization In conclusion, though pursuing multiple subjects at university enables students to have a broad understanding of all of those subjects, in my opinion, it is crucial for them to focus on the main subject to make them have in depth knowledge and expertise.
Nowadays, we are living in the era when college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
generally
focuses on a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that proponent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
also
essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
. While I admit to a certain extent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
also
beneficial, I believe that focus on one particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to attain specialization and expertise in that particular stream.

Firstly
, it cannot
be denied
that focus on a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the individuals to attain perfection in that. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will invest most of their time to studying and reading the relevant material.
As a result
, they will gain deeper erudition or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understanding
of that teaching.
For example
, the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
admitted to an engineering college turn out to be engineers, scientists or researchers.
Furthermore
, focusing
entirely
on a single major eliminates the chance of distraction among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which is more likely to happen in case wider choice are available to them. To illustrate, as an educator, I feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not possess vivid mindset when they applied for admission to colleges.
Hence
, if they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a limited choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
it does not create confusion in their minds about what major they will take in.

On the other hand
, if university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
heaps of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they will have a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understanding
of a variety of classes. This is useful for them who do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
vision about their dream job.
Moreover
, it
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to solve problems from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects.
For instance
, as an engineer, one of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is quite essential to
be mastered
in social science,
especially
public speaking and physiology. Although we are masters in various aspects, it is unimportant if a person wants to be a doctor or a lawyer, they need in-depth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understanding
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and it is not ideal for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at school.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
aspiring to be an engineer does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
geography or history.
Therefore
, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focusing on our specialization

In conclusion
, though pursuing multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at university enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have a broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understanding
of all of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, in my opinion, it is crucial for them to focus on the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have in depth knowledge and expertise.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay University students often focus on one subject. However some people think that universities should encourage a range of other subjects. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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