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Who this person isWhat this person has doneWhy this person is well-knownand explain why you would like to meet this person v.1

Who this person isWhat this person has doneWhy this person is well-knownand explain why you would like to meet this person v. 1
It is commonly considered by many that children should always seek guidance from their parents because of their wide knowledge and experience. However, others tend to oppose this idea and believe that children should make their decision by themselves. In my opinion, the decision whether parent’s advice should be considered or not is entirely depends upon the type of problem. To begin with, those who opine that teenagers should ask their parents for suggestions can point out their rich knowledge and experience. That is to say, parents spend their entire life in dealing with the real-life problems, which not only increases their knowledge, but also enrich their experience with new adventures. Thus, parents are the best person to talk with, if kids are facing any problems because they will consider all the aspects of problem before reaching at any conclusion. Additionally, parents face lots of hardships while raising their kids, such as, sacrificing their career or skipping their travel plans. Hence, it would hurt their feelings, if kids would neglect them while making important lifetime decisions. On the other hand, some people believe that children should not involve their parents while making real life decisions. This is mainly because parents’ knowledge is obsolete, and it cannot solve modern problems. In other words, parents have limited knowledge about the latest technological innovations, which means they would not be able to provide effective solution for the technology related problems. To exemplify, parents would not be the best to guide their children in choosing their career because a vast majority of parents have no clue about the future scope of technology as a career. To conclude, by considering parents knowledge and experience, I believe, they can offer best guidance for general problems, but not for modern technical problems.
It is
commonly
considered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should always seek guidance from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
However
, others tend to oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their decision by themselves. In my opinion, the decision whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
advice should
be considered
or not is
entirely
depends upon the type of problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those who opine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for suggestions can point out their rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend their entire life in dealing with the real-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increases their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enrich their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
with new adventures.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the best person to talk with, if kids are facing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will consider all the aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching at any conclusion.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
face lots of hardships while raising their kids, such as, sacrificing their career or skipping their travel plans.
Hence
, it would hurt their feelings, if kids would neglect them while making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lifetime decisions.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not involve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
while making real life decisions. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is obsolete, and it cannot solve modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about the latest technological innovations, which means they would not be able to provide effective solution for the technology related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. To exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would not be the best to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in choosing their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have no clue about the future scope of technology as a career.

To conclude
, by considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, I believe, they can
A determiner is probably missing here: "offer the best".
offer best
guidance for general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for modern technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Who this person isWhat this person has doneWhy this person is well-knownand explain why you would like to meet this person v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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