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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable v. 1
There are a number of people subscribe to the view that ancient values, such as honour, kindness, generosity have become meaninglessly, while the amount of money and properties vital / essential things. I feel that I must take issue with this point of view and I will analyse the issues below. In the last decades, there is some truth in respect richer people has increased speedy. Everyone wants to be rich and famous, but it does have its downsides. And the growing number of wealthy humans want either like or respect from people. There are good points and bad points of being wealthy people. During our life, we encounter some rich people who neglect inferior individuals. Neglect people are one of the drawbacks of theirs. And also they have a lot of money, but they don't share their wealth with authority and do not assist inferior capability of families / parts, they think themselves. There is no doubt, people do not respect this type of people. However, sometimes we face wealthy people whо assist for society with their charitable expenditure and also good manner. Their behaviour one of the signs of their worth. In my opinion, they are, such as actors organize benefaction for children in orphanages, nursing homes and low-income families in different celebrities. After that, charitable humans acquire many bless from people. Nowadays, the most number of people forgetting traditional articles, such as best manner, tenderness, that with each other. In my cognition, it all starts with the family. So, firstly family members ought to good terms with each others, be helpful. We should leave good manners for new generations. Good behaviour, for instance, kindness tenderness honour, trust which is a traditional heritage for young generations. To conclude, it is true that day by day people replace their old-fashioned values for social status. So, sympathy, generosity our features of personality and we do not forget it
There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
subscribe to the view that ancient values, such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
, kindness, generosity have become
meaninglessly
, while the amount of money and properties vital / essential things. I feel that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take issue with this point of view and I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the issues below.

In the last decades, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth in respect richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
increased speedy. Everyone wants to be rich and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does have its downsides.

And the growing number of wealthy humans want either like or respect from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
points and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
points of being wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. During our life, we encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who neglect inferior individuals. Neglect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are one of the drawbacks of theirs. And
also
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don't share their wealth with authority and do not assist inferior capability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
/ parts, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
themselves. There is no doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not respect this type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we face wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
A character in 'whо' is not an English character, although it can look like an English character. The character can cause a spelling error and disambiguation errors. Type the word again.
whо
assist for society with their charitable expenditure and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manner. Their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
one of the signs of their worth. In my opinion, they are, such as actors organize benefaction for children in orphanages, nursing homes and low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
celebrities. After that, charitable humans acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bless from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Nowadays, the most number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forgetting traditional articles, such as best manner, tenderness, that with each other. In my cognition, it all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
firstly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
terms with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
, be helpful. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners for new generations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
for instance
, kindness tenderness
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
, trust which is a traditional heritage for young generations.

To conclude
, it is true that day by day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
replace their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned values for social status.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, sympathy, generosity our features of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
personality and
we do not forget it
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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