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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable v. 1
There are a number of people subscribe to the view that ancient values, such as honour, kindness, generosity have become meaninglessly, while the amount of money and properties vital / essential things. I feel that I must take issue with this point of view and I will analyse the issues below. In the last decades, there is some truth in respect richer people has increased speedy. Everyone wants to be rich and famous, but it does have its downsides. And the growing number of wealthy humans want either like or respect from people. There are good points and bad points of being wealthy people. During our life, we encounter some rich people who neglect inferior individuals. Neglect people are one of the drawbacks of theirs. And also they have a lot of money, but they don't share their wealth with authority and do not assist inferior capability of families / parts, they think themselves. There is no doubt, people do not respect this type of people. However, sometimes we face wealthy people whо assist for society with their charitable expenditure and also good manner. Their behaviour one of the signs of their worth. In my opinion, they are, such as actors organize benefaction for children in orphanages, nursing homes and low-income families in different celebrities. After that, charitable humans acquire many bless from people. Nowadays, the most number of people forgetting traditional articles, such as best manner, tenderness, that with each other. In my cognition, it all starts with the family. So, firstly family members ought to good terms with each others, be helpful. We should leave good manners for new generations. Good behaviour, for instance, kindness tenderness honour, trust which is a traditional heritage for young generations. To conclude, it is true that day by day people replace their old-fashioned values for social status. So, sympathy, generosity our features of personality and we do not forget it
There are a number of
people
subscribe to the view that ancient values, such as
honour
, kindness, generosity have become
meaninglessly
, while the amount of money and properties vital / essential things. I feel that I
must
take issue with this point of view and I will
analyse
the issues below.

In the last decades, there is
some
truth in respect richer
people
has
increased speedy. Everyone wants to be rich and
famous
,
but
it does have its downsides.

And the growing number of wealthy humans want either like or respect from
people
. There are
good
points and
bad
points of being wealthy
people
. During our life, we encounter
some
rich
people
who neglect inferior individuals. Neglect
people
are one of the drawbacks of theirs. And
also
they have
a lot of
money,
but
they don't share their wealth with authority and do not assist inferior capability of
families
/ parts, they
think
themselves. There is no doubt,
people
do not respect this type of
people
.

However
,
sometimes
we face wealthy
people
whо
assist for society with their charitable expenditure and
also
good
manner. Their
behaviour
one of the signs of their worth. In my opinion, they are, such as actors organize benefaction for children in orphanages, nursing homes and low-income
families
in
different
celebrities. After that, charitable humans acquire
many
bless from
people
.

Nowadays, the most number of
people
forgetting traditional articles, such as best manner, tenderness, that with each other. In my cognition, it all
starts
with the
family
.
So
,
firstly
family
members ought to
good
terms with each
others
, be helpful. We should
leave
good
manners for new generations.
Good
behaviour
,
for instance
, kindness tenderness
honour
, trust which is a traditional heritage for young generations.

To conclude
, it is true that day by day
people
replace their
old
-fashioned values for social status.
So
, sympathy, generosity our features of
personality and
we do not forget it
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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