Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

242 Describe a writer you would like to meet. you should say: who the writer iswhat you know about this writer alreadywhat you would like to find out about him or herand explain why you would like to meet this writer. v.1

242 Describe a writer you would like to meet. you should say: who the writer iswhat you know about this writer alreadywhat you would like to find out about him or herand explain why you would like to meet this writer. v. 1
There is a dramatic increase in the number of children have got the obseity, especially in some developed countries, where a massive amount of unhealthy food is consumed on a daily basis. Many people suppose that the government should do something to improve this issue. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this view and believe that the government as the only one who is responsible for combating the childhood obesity crisis. It is undeniable to say that the government has a major role to ensure the well-being of children. This means that when it comes to health-threatening diseases, as the childhood obesity, the government should be the one to first realize such a threat, introduce and put solutions into practice. However, apart from encouraging regular exercise and healthy diets, I doubt that the government has any further role to play. Nevertheless, I would argue that parents have more duty to combat obesity in children. The first reason to be given is that an obese child is often malnourished mainly because they could not receive enough nutrients from their food. Once parents have a poor choice of diet for their kids, a nutritional balance is probably seriously affected. This fact suggests that parents have a direct impact on improving their children’s health by choosing and maintaining the healthy eating habit which reduces sugar and fat. Moreover, the lack of physical activity is a topped reason to make children gain weight unhealthily. In fact, nowadays, most youngsters are in favour of the sedentary lifestyle and detest doing physical exercises. This means that the amount of calories from food they consume is much higher than the ones they generate, which causes the obesity. In this situation, parents are the only ones who can encourage or even force their children to do more exercises to protect their bodies from some illnesses. In conclusion, while some people suppose that the government should take responsibility to curb the obesity epidemic, I strongly believe that parents have a greater effect on improving their children’s health mainly because they can observe their kids directly.
There is a dramatic increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
obseity
,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, where a massive amount of unhealthy food
is consumed
on a daily basis.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suppose that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should do something to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this issue. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this view and believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one who is responsible for combating the childhood obesity crisis.

It is undeniable to say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has a major role to ensure the well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This means that when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to health-threatening diseases, as the childhood obesity, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be the one to
first
realize such a threat, introduce and put solutions into practice.
However
, apart from encouraging regular exercise and healthy diets, I doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has any
further
role to play.

Nevertheless
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have more duty to combat obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
first
reason to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
is that an obese child is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
malnourished
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could not receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
nutrients from their food. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a poor choice of diet for their kids, a nutritional balance is
probably
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. This fact suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a direct impact on improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health by choosing and maintaining the healthy eating habit which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
sugar and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
Moreover
, the lack of physical activity is a topped reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain weight
unhealthily
. In fact, nowadays, most youngsters are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the sedentary lifestyle and detest doing physical exercises. This means that the amount of calories from food they consume is much higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
they generate, which causes the obesity. In this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who can encourage or even force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do more exercises to protect their bodies from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suppose that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take responsibility to curb the obesity epidemic, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a greater effect on improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can observe their kids
directly
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay 242 Describe a writer you would like to meet. you should say: who the writer iswhat you know about this writer alreadywhat you would like to find out about him or herand explain why you would like to meet this writer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts