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Who is the most intelligent person you know? Describe the person and say why you think he/she is intelligent. v.2

Who is the most intelligent person you know? Describe the person and say why you think he/she is intelligent. v. 2
India, is well known for its diversity and apparent of person’s is also important. In the modern world, most of people start to follow western culture; that way some believe that their culture will lose in the future. I agree with this as they think their emotion and beliefs were lost. To begin with, one of the important reasons behind is that they follow their culture and tradition in a way they wear their nation costume to show their moral behind that. Moreover, They all are strongly connected to their country and feel proud to be part of it. For example, In North India all boys wear dhoti and ladies wear a sari. Secondly, due to the availability of technology they try to follow a western culture as it apparent first time attractive so they use it. But, No one thinks about its effect on future generation as they forget their country and their beliefs. Thirdly, Person wears their cloth as well based on their religion and follow mythological stories thinks that their god told them that they have to wear particular cloth. For example, In Muslim religion they think like that and use the same appearance as their oldies used. Lastly, if you wear the same clothes as per your nation, then you are safe at all parts of the country; sometimes those who wear short clothes has to suffer from a problem such as, rape. At last, to represent the importance of own culture they wear conventional cloths. In conclusion, globalization is good for the growth of nation over the world, but having side effects that it destroys the emotion and affect a person mentally, physically thus it will degrade the performance of the authority.
India, is well known for its diversity and apparent of person’s is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In the modern world, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
; that way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will lose in the future. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
their emotion and beliefs
were lost
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons behind is that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition in a way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
their nation costume to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their moral behind that.
Moreover
, They all are
strongly
connected to their country and feel proud to be part of it.
For example
, In North India all boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
dhoti and ladies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
a sari.
Secondly
, due to the availability of technology they try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
a western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
as it apparent
first
time attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, No one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
about its effect on future generation as they forget their country and their beliefs.

Thirdly
, Person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloth
as well
based on their religion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
mythological stories
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
that their god
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
them that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloth
.
For example
, In Muslim religion they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
like that and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same appearance as their oldies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Lastly
, if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
as per your nation, then you are safe at all parts of the country;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
suffer from a problem such as, rape. At last, to represent the importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
conventional cloths.

In conclusion
, globalization is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the growth of nation over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
having side effects that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the emotion and affect a person mentally,
physically
thus
it will degrade the performance of the authority.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Who is the most intelligent person you know? Describe the person and say why you think he/she is intelligent. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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