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Even though globalization affects the world's economy and society in a positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss both sides. v.1

Even though globalization affects the world's economy and society in a positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. v. 1
After completion of primary punishment a number of criminals get indulge in misconducting of laws and violation. This essay will examine the main cause of the increase in crime rate and possible solution to this problem. The two main reasons for the expansion of crime standards are lack of strict laws and availability of food and earnings. When lawbreakers punished for a crime, they get bailed as soon as possible because of corrupt peoples and lack of strictness. For instance, punishment period is not often so long, which makes it easier for them to do more crime freely. Also, every prison provides a scheduled food and give them opportunities to work inside and earn more. Because, none of the government rules can stop their habitat and it is a mandatory rule to work gradually to nourish the their mindset and skills. Thus, few laws allows them to commit more crimes easily. Some possible solutions to this problem are applying heavy penalties and promoting awareness among them. By applying a large amount of penalties even on a small crime can result in the decrease of crime rate. Moreover, the next step to get rid of this issue is informing the offenders about the danger outcome of this. For example, how it can affect their next generation and family reputation and respect. This way, the criminals will be more conscious about their next step in terms of crime, because for a an individual their family comes first and for their bright future he/she can do anything. To conclude, lack of strict rules and regulations are the main reason for the development of criminals. However, we can significantly lessen the extinction of it by high penalties and enlightening criminals about the negative impact of this.
After completion of primary punishment a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulge in misconducting of laws and violation. This essay will examine the main cause of the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and possible solution to this problem.

The two main reasons for the expansion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
standards are lack of strict laws and availability of food and earnings. When lawbreakers punished for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bailed as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of corrupt peoples and lack of strictness.
For instance
, punishment period is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for them to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
freely
.
Also
, every prison provides a scheduled food and give them opportunities to work inside and earn more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, none of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their habitat and it is a mandatory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to work
gradually
to nourish
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their mindset" or "the mindset"?
the their mindset
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Thus
, few laws
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
easily
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
possible solutions to this problem are applying heavy penalties and promoting awareness among them. By applying a large amount of penalties
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "evens"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'even' is not always incorrect.)
even
on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can result in the decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
Moreover
, the
next
step to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this issue is informing the offenders about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
outcome of this.
For example
, how it can affect their
next
generation and family reputation and respect. This way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
will be more conscious about their
next
step in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "an" is left.
a an
individual their family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
first
and for their bright future he/she can do anything.

To conclude
, lack of strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations are the main reason for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
However
, we can
significantly
lessen the extinction of it by high penalties and enlightening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of this.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Even though globalization affects the world's economy and society in a positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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