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tpo4 task 2Many universities now offer academic courses over the Internet. However, some people still prefer learning in traditional classrooms. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v.1

tpo4 task 2Many universities now offer academic courses over the Internet. However, some people still prefer learning in traditional classrooms. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1
In this expeditiously transforming era, the usage of drugs, both legal and illegal, has proliferated by leaps and bounds. , especially at an early stage of life. There are many reasons behind this mentality change and some claim that parents and other members of the society, often play a negative role for the same. There are various causes which have been leading to such an extensive consumption. To accentuate, let us contemplate the most prevalent issue of unhealthy lifestyle. Today, many millennials are unable to handle the work pressure and maintain the appropriate work life balance, as a result, they consume anti-depressants and other drugs to relax their mind and body. Moreover, the current disease prone society is highly dependent on medicines and other supplements for any type of minor difficulties, instead of the natural solutions or remedies. Although they might be legal, but the dependency has been inflated. As we rightly say that excess of anything is malicious, overdose of a lot of medicines has awful long term effects. For instance, the amplified use of paracetamol for every small issue makes the body, which becomes dependent on the external support, unable to fight for its immunity. Apart from this, the use of certain illegal drugs makes the senses slow. Furthermore, the memory if people might also get harmed, since the effect is directly on the brain nerves. Before this problem takes the shape of a hideous monster strict measures should be taken to control it. Parents need to check the activities of their children and mitigate the chance of getting under any bad influence. The young generation should try to make their lives less stressful, so that the dependency on drugs is reduced. Campaigns to spread awareness should be started in schools and colleges, for example only hugs no drugs. To summarize, I would say that the burgeoning number of drug addicts is a matter of serious concern, and the major causes relate to our contemporary lifestyle. This not only affects the health of individuals, but also alters the behaviour. Hence, steps should be taken so that this prodigious problem is nipped in bed and we move towards a fit society.
In this
expeditiously
transforming era, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, both legal and illegal, has proliferated by leaps and bounds.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
especially
at an early stage of life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind this mentality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that parents and other members of the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
role for the same.

There are various causes which have been leading to such an extensive consumption. To accentuate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us contemplate the most prevalent issue of unhealthy lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
millennials are unable to handle the work pressure and maintain the appropriate
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance,
as a result
, they consume anti-depressants and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
to relax their mind and body.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
disease prone society is
highly
dependent on medicines and other supplements for any type of minor difficulties,
instead
of the natural solutions or remedies. Although they might be legal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the dependency has
been inflated
.

As we
rightly
say that excess of anything is malicious, overdose of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
medicines has awful long term effects.
For instance
, the amplified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of paracetamol for every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the body, which becomes dependent on the external support, unable to fight for its immunity. Apart from this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of certain illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the senses slow.
Furthermore
, the memory if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
harmed, since the effect is
directly
on the brain nerves.

“Before” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Before
this problem takes the shape of a hideous monster strict measures should
be taken
to control it. Parents need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the activities of their children and mitigate the chance of getting under any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence. The young generation should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
less stressful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. Campaigns to spread awareness should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in schools and colleges,
for example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hugs no drugs.

To summarize
, I would say that the burgeoning number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addicts is a matter of serious concern, and the major causes relate to our contemporary lifestyle. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects the health of individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
alters the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Hence
, steps should
be taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this prodigious problem
is nipped
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bed and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards a fit society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay tpo4 task 2Many universities now offer academic courses over the Internet. However, some people still prefer learning in traditional classrooms. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
362 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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