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Who has been your favourite teacher so far in your life? Use reasons and details to support your answer v.1

Who has been your favourite teacher so far in your life? Use reasons and details to support your answer v. 1
There is an opinion that the best way to raise and educate children is to involve the whole family, including all the relatives, such as uncles, aunts and grandparents than solely by the parents. I completely agree with this statement as children brought up in extended families are not starved of attention and can develop versatile personalities due to the input and influence of every family member. Shortage of attention is one of the most worrying problems nowadays and it can never be an issue in big families, in which everyone is involved in the nurturing and raising of the children. In nuclear families where both parents work full-time it is very troublesome to maintain a balance between work and family, and notwithstanding the considerable income children are usually stressed, spoiled and not properly supervised. For example, according to the Russian statistics, it is in dual-income families where children are subject to delinquency as they crave attention. If it weren’t for other relatives’ help, the majority of children would be doomed to loneliness and a feeling of being unwanted. Many parents turn to after-school childcare institutions, but these cannot be compared to the grandparents’ love and care. One more beneficial side no one would argue with is the positive influence of a multifaceted approach to a child’s education. Every family member is an expert in some certain field which opens the opportunities for children to choose the ones they need the most, be it mathematics or physics. For example, there are famous political dynasties where grandchildren follow in the footsteps of their ancestors and inherit the best qualities, becoming a better version of their relatives. The children, that are brought up in big families are always open-minded and confident because different points of view expand one’s personality. To conclude, the benefits of being brought up in extended families are evident due to the fact that children are surrounded by constant care of all family members and can grow into a multi-talented person.
There is an opinion that the best way to raise and educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is to involve the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, including all the relatives, such as uncles, aunts and grandparents than
solely
by the parents. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
brought up in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not starved of attention and can develop versatile personalities due to the input and influence of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member.

Shortage of attention is one of the most worrying problems nowadays and it can never be an issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, in which everyone
is involved
in the nurturing and raising of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
where both parents work full-time it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
troublesome to maintain a balance between work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and notwithstanding the considerable income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, spoiled and not
properly
supervised.
For example
, according to the Russian statistics, it is in dual-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are subject to delinquency as they crave attention. If it weren’t for other relatives’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
be doomed
to loneliness and a feeling of
being unwanted
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents turn to after-school childcare institutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these cannot
be compared
to the grandparents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care.

One more beneficial side no one would argue with is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence of a multifaceted approach to a child’s education. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member is an expert in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain field which opens the opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
they need the most, be it mathematics or physics.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
political dynasties where grandchildren follow in the footsteps of their ancestors and inherit the best qualities, becoming a better version of their relatives. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, that
are brought
up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are always open-minded and confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view expand one’s personality.

To conclude
, the benefits of
being brought
up in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are evident due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are surrounded
by constant care of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and can grow into a multi-talented person.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Who has been your favourite teacher so far in your life? Use reasons and details to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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