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Where is your favourite place to study? Describe this place and say why it is a good place for you to study. v.1

Where is your favourite place to study? Describe this place and say why it is a good place for you to study. v. 1
Nowadays, most of kids choose to play video games instead of doing outdoor activities. There are several reasons behind the increased preference for computer games. The advanced audio-visual effects used in the latest broadcast games, the availability of a wide range of games and the easy access of the Internet, are quite a few reasons for many. This essay is an attempt to describe some reasons for the over preference of video games and also to give several solutions to solve the problem. Firstly, the advanced graphic designs make the game environment more real. So that, children might experience the fantasy while playing such computer games. They feel happier by driving luxurious cars, fighting with enemies with the high-tech weapons and taking strides on skyscraper buildings, all are made by the high quality graphics technology. Secondly, they can play computer or video games from anywhere at anytime without having anyone else's company. Thirdly, electronic gadgets and the Internet both are easily available for everyone at an affordable price. To overcome this issue, parents and teachers should encourage students to give more importance to the outdoor sports rather than indoor games. They should emphasize the importance of the outdoor activities in the overall development of students in their formative period. Moreover, the government should facilitate the community with the recreational sports centres, such as football-ground, cricket-stadium and tennis court, which will be useful to allure the students to play outdoor sports more. To conclude, with the advanced technology we can see the more inclination on the computer games. But, since it is not beneficial for the physical development of students, we should encourage children to do outdoor activities and play outdoor sports.
Nowadays,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the kids") or simply say "most kids".
most of kids
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities. There are several reasons behind the increased preference for computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The advanced audio-visual effects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the latest broadcast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the availability of a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and the easy access of the Internet, are quite a few reasons for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. This essay is an attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for the over preference of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
also
to give several solutions to solve the problem.

Firstly
, the advanced graphic designs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the game environment more real.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, children might experience the fantasy while playing such computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They feel happier by driving luxurious cars, fighting with enemies with the high-tech weapons and taking strides on skyscraper buildings, all
are made
by the high quality graphics technology.
Secondly
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer or video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
from anywhere at anytime without having anyone else's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Thirdly
, electronic gadgets and the Internet both are
easily
available for everyone at an affordable price.

To overcome this issue, parents and teachers should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to give more importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
rather
than indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They should emphasize the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities in the
overall
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their formative period.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should facilitate the community with the recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, such as football-ground, cricket-stadium and tennis court, which will be useful to allure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
more.

To conclude
, with the advanced technology we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the more inclination on the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, since it is not beneficial for the physical development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, we should encourage children to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Where is your favourite place to study? Describe this place and say why it is a good place for you to study. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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