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What is your favourite form of transportation for getting around? Describe it and explain why it is your favourite means of transportation. v.1

What is your favourite form of transportation for getting around? Describe it and explain why it is your favourite means of transportation. v. 1
In many nations, some university students stay with their families, while others leave their home to study in other cities. This essay will first discuss about how living separated from the family while studying means students do not get support from them and then talk about how it can make them more focus on their studies and more independent before coming to the conclusion that the benefit of this outweigh the drawback. The primary disadvantage of living in other cities to attend colleges is students receive less attention from other family members. This can impact their study negatively if they are in difficult situations, such as sickness and stress. For example, I lived with my family when I was in university and my mom always made me a bowl of warm soup when I caught in the cold, so that I would feel better and could attend the classes the next day. However, there were many distractions from my brother and sister that made me could not focus on my study as well. Despite the lack of support, students who live in faraway places from their home can focus on their studies better and they tend to be more independent in their lives. This is because there is nobody else nearby who can create distractions during their time to study and take care of them when sick but themselves. For example, my classmates who came from other cities always got good marks and did domestic chores, such as washing clothes and ironing, themselves. I believe their academic achievement and independence have helped them finding good jobs. In conclusion, although university students who live far from home do not have anyone who can watch them, they can concentrate on their studies better and be more independent in doing domestic chores. Therefore, this essay thinks that the advantage of it overshadow the disadvantage.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cities. This essay will
first
Did you mean simply "discuss how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about how
living separated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
while studying means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from them and then talk about how it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and more independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to the conclusion that the benefit of this outweigh the drawback.

The primary disadvantage of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cities to attend colleges is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
receive less attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. This can impact their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
negatively
if they are in difficult situations, such as sickness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
when I was in university and my mom always made me a bowl of warm soup when I caught in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I would feel better and could attend the classes the
next
day.
However
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distractions from my brother and sister that made me could not focus on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as well
.

Despite the lack of support,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in faraway places from their home can focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
better and
they tend to be more independent in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is nobody else nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can create distractions during their time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and take care of them when sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
themselves.
For example
, my classmates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
came from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cities always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks and did domestic chores, such as washing clothes and ironing, themselves. I believe their academic achievement and independence have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them
The verb 'and' is used with an infinitive: "to find" or "find".
finding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs.

In conclusion
, although university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from home do not have anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them, they can concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
better and be more independent in doing domestic chores.
Therefore
, this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the advantage of it overshadow the disadvantage.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay What is your favourite form of transportation for getting around? Describe it and explain why it is your favourite means of transportation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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