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While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure. How do you feel about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision? v.4

While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure. How do you feel about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision? v. 4
I strongly agree with the fact that some students opt for weekend or evening job while studying. As education is becoming more and more expensive, the financial burden is increasing for the parents. A working student can help their parents financially. Apart from financial independence, there are so many other benefits of doing a part time job. Students get the experience of working somewhere as an employee before completing studies. Students get an idea about how to manage study and job together. So, thus they learn time management as well. They become more mature and responsible towards their life. Sometimes, it makes them proud to their selves. Par time weekend job keeps students focused on their needs and thus help them support their expenses. This also creates a savings mentality among them from an earlier age. They become self-dependent and gain valuable experience from their jobs. I believe doing a part time job while studying is essential for students who come from abroad. It helps not only to survive but also to get settled with new place and culture. Contradiction to the above-discussed benefits, sometimes it may affect studies. Students may get stressed because of the burden of work. Sometimes they cannot manage both responsibilities very well. Many universities ask to attend classes regularly without fail. Generally, examination also puts too much pressure on students. Universities should provide guidance to the students and support them to find a part time job. Universities should have tied up with different business firms or organisations which again provide support to the students. So, I conclude that one should identify own requirement and circumstances to decide whether to do a job or not.
I
strongly
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opt for weekend or evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while studying. As education is becoming more and more expensive, the financial burden is increasing for the parents. A working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents
financially
.

Apart from financial independence, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other benefits of doing a part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the experience of working somewhere as an employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
completing studies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about how to manage study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
together.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
thus
they learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management
as well
. They become more mature and responsible towards their life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them proud to their selves. Par
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
weekend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focused on their needs and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them support their expenses. This
also
creates a
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "savings'" or "saving's"?
savings
mentality among them from an earlier age. They become self-dependent and gain valuable experience from their jobs.

I believe doing a part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while studying is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from abroad. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to survive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settled with new place and culture.

Contradiction to the above-discussed benefits,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it may affect studies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the burden of work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they cannot manage both responsibilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
universities ask to attend classes
regularly
without fail.
Generally
, examination
also
puts too much pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Universities should provide guidance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and support them to find a part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Universities should have tied up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
business firms or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
which again provide support to the students.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I conclude that one should identify
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
requirement and circumstances to decide whether to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or not.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure. How do you feel about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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