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Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v.10

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 10
In this modern era, children, unfortunately, endure some ailments that they are known as adults aches such as overweight. There are various reasons behind it. This illness originates from diet, sedentary lifestyle and genetics. I personally believe that three critical reasons of unhealthy diet, sedentary lifestyle and genetics considerably contribute to the development of such diseases in teenagers. The first cause of obesity is fatty food. Todays, most of the children are interested in junk food and fizzy drinks like sandwiches, chips and coke. These kinds of foods are not nutritious. Furthermore, a huge number of parents buy fast food for their children instead of preparing calorie-rich food at home. This issue can be solved by purchasing food from traditional restaurants (that they cook local foods), banning junk foods and advertising healthy foods in mass media, schools and textbooks. The second reason for obesity is an inactive lifestyle. The use of technological devices has gradually risen among children. They spend most of the time watching TV or playing video games on a computer, so the progress of these tools has led to declining the physical activities. This obstacle can be resolved by paying attention to bodily activities in schools and encouraging children to participating in sporting events. Moreover, parents can restrict playing video games on weekdays. In addition to this, the government can compel mass communication to advertise physical exercises. The third factor of obesity is genetics. Although genetics play a significant role in obesity of children, we cannot change or fortify our genetics. But human beings especially parents must visit genetics experts or do genetics tests before their child is born. In conclusion, obesity derives from several considerable components like foods, sedentary lifestyle and genetics. Any type of these elements demands effective solutions in order to cure this organic disorder.
In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, unfortunately, endure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ailments that they
are known
as adults aches such as overweight. There are various reasons behind it. This illness originates from diet, sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and genetics. I
personally
believe that three critical reasons of unhealthy diet, sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and genetics
considerably
contribute to the development of such diseases in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

The
first
cause of obesity is fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Todays
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are interested
in junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and fizzy drinks like sandwiches, chips and coke. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are not nutritious.
Furthermore
, a huge number of parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of preparing calorie-rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home. This issue can
be solved
by purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from traditional restaurants (that they cook local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods)
, banning junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and advertising healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in mass media, schools and textbooks.

The second reason for obesity is an inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technological devices has
gradually
risen among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They spend most of the time watching TV or playing video games on a computer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the progress of these tools has led to declining the physical activities. This obstacle can
be resolved
by paying attention to
bodily
activities in schools and encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Did you mean "participate"?
participating
in sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Moreover
, parents can restrict playing video games on weekdays.
In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can compel mass communication to advertise physical exercises.

The third factor of obesity is genetics. Although genetics play a significant role in obesity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or fortify our genetics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
human beings
especially
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
visit genetics experts or do genetics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their child
is born
.

In conclusion
, obesity derives from several considerable components like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and genetics. Any type of these elements demands effective solutions in order to cure this organic disorder.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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