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While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure. How do you feel about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision? v.2

While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure. How do you feel about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision? v. 2
Nowadays, it is quite common to see many students engaged in part time jobs. A number of learners work after school or college hours in order to meet their expenses. This essay will delve into the pros and cons of such a trend of students taking up such jobs. On one hand, there are many advantages of doing a part-time job. To begin with, young learners are able to earn money, which help in decreasing the burden of expenses on their parent’s pockets. Moreover, it helps the young ones to tackle the situations by themselves, which, in turn, build their confidence. Likewise, by engaging in such jobs a pupil can gain many qualities such as, developing communication skills and, time and money management, which proves to be beneficial in the later stage of their life. On the other hand, there are various detrimental effects of working half time after college hours. The students usually lose their interest in studies as they are more focused towards their job. In addition to this, a greater number of stressful hours result in deterioration of the mental health of young. To illustrate, around 80 percent of students doing part time jobs are seen to be prone to some kind of mental disease such as depression, thus, affecting the society as a whole. To conclude, although engaging in a job is an excellent opportunity for the pupils to gain various qualities which help them in their future career prospects, however, it should not be done at the cost of ignoring education.
Nowadays, it is quite common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
engaged in part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. A number of learners work after school or college hours in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their expenses. This essay will delve into the pros and cons of such a trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taking up such jobs.

On one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of doing a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, young learners are able to earn money, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in decreasing the burden of expenses on their parent’s pockets.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the young ones to tackle the situations by themselves, which, in turn, build their confidence.
Likewise
, by engaging in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
a pupil can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
qualities such as, developing communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money management, which proves to be beneficial in the later stage of their life.

On the other hand
, there are various detrimental effects of working half
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after college hours. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
usually
lose their interest in studies as they are more focused towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In addition
to this, a greater number of stressful hours result in deterioration of the mental health of young. To illustrate, around 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
doing part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of mental disease such as depression,
thus
, affecting the society as a whole.

To conclude
, although engaging in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is an excellent opportunity for the pupils to gain various qualities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future career prospects,
however
, it should not
be done
at the cost of ignoring education.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure. How do you feel about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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