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Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.5

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. with this opinion? v. 5
In this day and age, the significance of aesthetic values has been indifferent because of the era of computer and Information Technology, especially Artificial Intelligence is a phenomenon of the 21st modern age. Although some people believe that with the help of a computer, public museums and art galleries would be no longer needed, personally, I disagree with the given notion and believe that online information can never replace the needs of having these existing exhibitions. Firstly, museums and art galleries represent for the glory of particular nation. These are places gathering achievement and experiences of ancestors, which reflect the history of distinct nation. For example, in Vietnam, the Vietnam War museum displays the heritage and pictures of Vietnamese soldiers during the war between Vietnam and the US, which enables people to understand the glorious history and appreciate the value of peace in the modern life. Moreover, these places also exhibit a vast number of paintings, handicrafts that contain a better quality of vision rather than watching behind the computer screen. It would have been seen in person to gain a real experience of observing artistic collections. Secondly, museums and art galleries play a prominent role in the growth of tourism and economy. It has become apparent that museum and art galleries pool a sustainable growth of specific country as well as enhance human’s appreciation of art and literature. For instance, Vincent Van Gogh’s collections did not satisfy people’s spiritual and emotional needs at that time until he ceased to exist; his masterpieces gained the vast number of profits from exhibitions which merit an entry fee in his hometown. These exhibitions also attract the hordes of tourists all over the world which enrich the tourism as well as the wealth of this country. Thus, museums and picture galleries not only generate a huge revenue, but also globalize local cultural knowledge. In conclusion, museums and galleries are indispensable for each region. It seems to be hardly replaced by computer-based information.
In this day and age, the significance of aesthetic values has been indifferent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the era of computer and Information Technology,
especially
Artificial Intelligence is a phenomenon of the 21st modern age. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a computer, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
would be no longer needed,
personally
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion and believe that online information can never replace the needs of having these existing exhibitions.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
represent for the glory of particular nation. These are places gathering achievement and experiences of ancestors, which reflect the history of distinct nation.
For example
, in Vietnam, the Vietnam War
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
displays the heritage and pictures of Vietnamese soldiers during the war between Vietnam and the US, which enables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to understand the glorious history and appreciate the value of peace in the modern life.
Moreover
, these places
also
exhibit a vast number of paintings, handicrafts that contain a better quality of vision
rather
than watching behind the computer screen. It would have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in person to gain a real experience of observing artistic collections.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
play a prominent role in the growth of tourism and economy. It has become apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
pool a sustainable growth of specific country
as well
as enhance human’s appreciation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and literature.
For instance
,
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
Vincent Van Gogh
’s collections did not satisfy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s spiritual and emotional needs at that time until he ceased to exist; his masterpieces gained the vast number of profits from exhibitions which merit an entry fee in his hometown. These exhibitions
also
attract the hordes of tourists all over the world which enrich the tourism
as well
as the wealth of this country.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and picture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
generate a huge revenue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
globalize local cultural knowledge.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are indispensable for each region. It seems to be hardly replaced by computer-based information.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. with this opinion? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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