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while recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree. give your opinion with relevant example. v.1

while recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities rather than qualifications and experience. give your opinion with relevant example. v. 1
So, according to the opinions of different persons now watching a movie is okay on their respective mobile devices such as tablets and cell phones while others think opposite and supports the traditional way I. e. Them prefers to watch it on a big screen by going outside. While the transformation of technology has impacted this areas as well, there is no denying the fact that most of the persons now have opted for this option like to entertain themselves by watching movies on the portable devices. So this point certainly has some gravity in order to think about this perspective, it can also be considered as time effective and somehow cost effective as well, because prices would be cheaper in comparison with the other side. And as with the ongoing launches of new applications which provided the premium content on these portable devices people have shifted in this direction of entertaining themselves. However to discuss other side, we do have the original taste of watching a picture like to feel all the effects and actions on a big screen that is a whole other level. Even with the new technology, there are still many people who still like to watch in a traditional way and also by going out with their loved one's to enjoy the company of each other they feel more entertained. So to summarize, I must say that as much as people would like to explore and leverage the technology to save time and entertain themselves, the original essence of watching a movie in a theatre is a different level whole-together. So to my views I would always prefer to go outside and watch the movie whenever it's feasible and will only opt for another option when there are no other choices left.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, according to the opinions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is okay on their respective mobile devices such as tablets and cell phones while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
opposite and supports the traditional way
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
I. e.
Did you mean "I", "He", "She", or "They"?
Them
prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen by going outside.

While the transformation of technology has impacted
Did you mean "these"?
this
areas
as well
, there is no denying the fact that most of the persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have opted for this option like to entertain themselves by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on the portable devices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this point
certainly
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gravity in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about this perspective, it can
also
be considered
as time effective and somehow cost effective
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
prices would be cheaper
in comparison
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side. And as with the ongoing launches of new applications which provided the premium content on these portable devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have shifted in this direction of entertaining themselves.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
to discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, we do have the original taste of watching a picture like to feel all the effects and actions on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen
that is
a whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
level. Even with the new technology, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
still
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Consider replacing "in a traditional way" with the adverb for "traditional"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a traditional way
and
also
by going out with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one's to enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
they feel more entertained.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to summarize
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that as much as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would like to explore and leverage the technology to save time and entertain themselves, the original essence of watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
level whole-together.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to my views I would always prefer to go outside and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
whenever it's feasible and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
opt for another option when there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay while recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities rather than qualifications and experience. give your opinion with relevant example. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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