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The bar charts below show the Marriage and Divorce Statistics for eight countries in 1981 and 1994. Write a short report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. Write at least 150 words. v.1

The bar charts below show the Marriage and Divorce Statistics for eight countries in 1981 and 1994. Write a short report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1
It seems that educational curriculum, in all levels, includes much more fact-based contents than practical classes. The educational system is supposed to prepare students for their later life. This means pupils should learn what they need for starting their carrier, in their school or college. Therefore they need to learn practical skills as much as theoretical facts. However, educational institutions focus dramatically more on academic courses. In other words, the majority of lessons are about "What" and "Why", and just a few subjects revolve around "How". As a result, students have not sufficient opportunities to practice the learned facts and thus, are not able to internalize what they have learned. Consequently, students will not be well-equipped to find a proper job after qualification. Fortunately, numerous educational centres, particularly colleges, are trying to immerse more practical courses into their program. For instance, the majority of universities have introduced a mandatory apprenticeship course before qualification. In addition, in recent years, an increasing number of teachers are attempting to teach pupils by assigning relevant projects to them. So that student can learn both facts and practical skills by doing the project. Nevertheless, although these efforts can incredibly improve the pupils' knowledge, project-based courses contain only the minority of university classes. It seems that, this kind of courses should be significantly increased. To sum up, the responsibility of schools and universities is to make people well-prepared for their life. For now the majority of students' time and energy are spent on learning abstract subjects. I personally believe, practical courses should be noticeably more interested, and a more satisfying balance between conceptual and practical courses should be maintained.
It seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
curriculum, in all levels, includes much more fact-based contents than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
classes.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
system
is supposed
to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for their later life. This means pupils should learn what they need for starting their carrier, in their school or college.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they need to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as much as theoretical facts.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institutions focus
dramatically
more on academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
In other words
, the majority of lessons are about
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
What
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Why
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few subjects revolve around
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
How
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have not sufficient opportunities to practice the learned facts and
thus
, are not able to internalize what they have learned.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not be well-equipped to find a proper job after qualification.

Fortunately
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
particularly
colleges, are trying to immerse more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
into their program.
For instance
, the majority of universities have introduced a mandatory apprenticeship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
qualification.
In addition
, in recent years, an increasing number of teachers are attempting to teach pupils by assigning relevant projects to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can learn both facts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by doing the project.
Nevertheless
, although these efforts can
incredibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the pupils' knowledge, project-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
contain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the minority of university classes. It seems that, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should be
significantly
increased.

To sum up, the responsibility of schools and universities is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
well-prepared for their life. For
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the majority of students' time and energy
are spent
on learning abstract subjects. I
personally
believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should be
noticeably
more interested, and a more satisfying balance between conceptual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should
be maintained
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar charts below show the Marriage and Divorce Statistics for eight countries in 1981 and 1994. Write a short report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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