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TOEFL essay How do movies or television influence people s behavior Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v.1

TOEFL essay How do movies or television influence people s behavior Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 1
It is true that the number of students who choose to study overseas has increased rapidly in the past few years. Studying in a foreign country has its own positive and negative sides, but I personally believe that it has more benefits for the students themselves. On the one hand, some believe that the choice of studying abroad has some disadvantages. One of the reasons is that studying overseas will cost more than studying in the home country. It is necessary for parents to spend more money on airplane tickets, accommodations, foods and clothes, besides tuition fees and uniforms. Another reason is that students might be unfamiliar and uncomfortable with the culture, environment and language of the new country. As a consequence, it might have a negative effect on their mental condition and academic performance. Adopting in a new environment often hampers the natural flow of study for many students and some students do not continue their study to earn money when they are abroad. On the other hand, another group of people thinks that studying in another country brings so many positive aspects to the students themselves. Firstly, by studying in a new country, students will have a chance to learn new languages and new cultures. Secondly, students will learn about how to live independently, like clean their own rooms or doing the laundry by themselves. Thirdly, they could make new friends with people from other countries and get familiar with multicultural environments. Lastly, it is a fact that in certain countries, international graduate certificate gives additional values when the students search for jobs. In conclusion, it is undeniable that the preference of studying in a foreign country has its own benefits and drawbacks. Despite all the disadvantages, I believe that it has more advantages for the students themselves, therefore young people should be encouraged to study in a new country. Although some of them might have difficulties with the fees, but many international scholarships are offered these days.
It is true that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
overseas has increased
rapidly
in the past few years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studying
in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
believe that it has more benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
themselves.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
abroad has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. One of the reasons is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
overseas will cost more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is necessary for parents to spend more money on airplane tickets, accommodations, foods and clothes,
besides
tuition fees and uniforms. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might be unfamiliar and uncomfortable with the culture, environment and language of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As a consequence, it might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their mental condition and academic performance. Adopting in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hampers the natural flow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to earn money when they are abroad.

On the other hand
, another group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
themselves.
Firstly
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will have a chance to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
languages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cultures.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
, like clean their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rooms or doing the laundry by themselves.
Thirdly
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with multicultural environments.
Lastly
, it is a fact that in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, international graduate certificate gives additional values when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
search for jobs.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that the preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and drawbacks. Despite all the disadvantages, I believe that it has more advantages for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
themselves,
therefore
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them might have difficulties with the fees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international scholarships
are offered
these days.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay How do movies or television influence people s behavior Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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