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While mobile phones have many advantages a number of problems have also resulted from them or the ways in which they are used What are some of these problems What solutions can you suggest for solving these problems v.1

While mobile phones have many advantages a number of problems have also resulted from them or the ways in which they are used What are some of these problems What solutions can you suggest for solving these problems v. 1
In the era of the development of technology. Cutting-edge devices such as computers and projects is becoming independent items in education. Some people argued that this trend brings many benefits. However, others think that this is a negative effect. This essay will discuss both views of the tendency as below. One the one hand. There are some reasons why using technology is essential. First, parents of students can save a lot of money from buying books, as the students can watch their performances from screen of tablets or computers. Besides, pupils could know the amount number of information that they do not learn from their teachers, thanks to the touch of a button. As a result, students will widen their knowledge of the world from these technical devices. For instance, according to the report in social media, some schools apply useful programs through computers and projects, a large number of students is increasing dramatically in their achievements. One the other hand, although there are the most important of this trend in education, modern items using is also bring detrimental effects. First, computers are spoilt younger generations, if their parents do not take care of them strictly. This is because students usually are addicted by tons of game online in computers. Hence, their performance at school curb using machines in class. As pupils would less connect with other people, which leads to the consequence the pupils will not communicate and they give up their social skills. In conclusion, I believe that computers bring many advantages for students, but it brings many more disadvantages and I think some schools should consider carefully in using computers in education.
In the era of the development of technology. Cutting-edge devices such as computers and projects is becoming independent items in education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that this trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect. This essay will discuss both views of the tendency as below.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why using technology is essential.
First
, parents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from buying books, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their performances from screen of tablets or computers.
Besides
, pupils could know the amount number of information that they do not learn from their teachers, thanks to the touch of a button.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will widen their knowledge of the world from these technical devices.
For instance
, according to the report in social media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools apply useful programs through computers and projects,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is increasing
dramatically
in their achievements.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, although there are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of this trend in education, modern items using is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "brought".
bring
detrimental effects.
First
, computers are
Possible spelling mistake. 'spoilt' is British English.
spoilt
younger generations, if their parents do not take care of them
strictly
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
usually
are addicted
by tons of game online in computers.
Hence
, their performance at school curb using machines in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. As pupils would less connect with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which leads to the consequence the pupils will not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
communicate and
they give up their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, I believe that computers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more disadvantages and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools should consider
carefully
in using computers in education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay While mobile phones have many advantages a number of problems have also resulted from them or the ways in which they are used What are some of these problems What solutions can you suggest for solving these problems v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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