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While mobile phones have many advantages, a number of problems have also resulted from them or the ways in which they are used. What are some of these problems? What solutions can you suggest for solving these problems? v.2

While mobile phones have many advantages, a number of problems have also resulted from them or the ways in which they are used. What are some of these problems? What solutions can you suggest for solving these problems? v. 2
Althought the usage of cellular devices make our lives easier, it also results in many problematic issues. In this essay we will discuss what problems do we have with mobile phones and how can we solve these issues. In most of the countries of the modern world cellular phones are used as the main tool for people-to-people communication. As most part of the cellular phones are smartphones, people use them to navigate in the net or to enter their accounts of social networks such as Facebook or Instagram. As a result, they become less communicative, less sociable and more introvert as they use the technologies instead of face-to-face communication. Moreover, people are keen to use the device while driving, thus becoming less concentrated on the road, which is really dangerous for their lives. According to a research done in my city, 95 percent of young people are communicating between each other through smartphones and 60 percent of the road accidents are the result of using mobile phones while driving. As a solution for this problem, I would recommend the govenments to take legal actions in minimising and in some cases prohobiting the use of mobile devices. For the socially active places such as restaurants, cafes and bars, the speed of the internet can be lowered, thus making the internet surfing more diffucilt for the mobile phone users. In regard to the drivers, I would suggest to make the fines for speaking or texting while driving much higher. These actions will support people to interract with others more in the real life and also to be more cautious when driving a car. As a counclusion, I think that the disadvantages of the mobile phone can be lowered if the governent takes the responsibility to generate more limitations for its usage, especially in sociable areas and during the driving.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Althought
the usage of cellular devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier, it
also
results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problematic issues. In this essay we will discuss what problems do we have with mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and how can we solve these issues.

In most of the countries of the modern world cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as the main tool for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
-to-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
communication. As most part of the cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are smartphones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to navigate in the net or to enter their accounts of social networks such as Facebook or Instagram.
As a result
, they become less communicative, less sociable and more introvert as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technologies
instead
of face-to-face communication.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the device while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
,
thus
becoming less concentrated on the road, which is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. According to a research done in my city, 95 percent of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are communicating between each other through smartphones and 60 percent of the road accidents are the result of using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
while driving.

As a solution for this problem, I would recommend the
Possible spelling mistake found.
govenments
to take legal actions in
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimising' is British English.
minimising
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
Possible spelling mistake found.
prohobiting
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile devices. For the
socially
active places such as restaurants,
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
and bars, the speed of the internet can
be lowered
,
thus
making the internet surfing more
Possible spelling mistake found.
diffucilt
for the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
users. In regard to the drivers, I would suggest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the fines for speaking or texting while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
much higher. These actions will support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
interract
with others more in the real life and
also
to be more cautious when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
a car.

As a
Possible spelling mistake found.
counclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the disadvantages of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can
be lowered
if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
governent
takes the responsibility to generate more limitations for its usage,
especially
in sociable areas and during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay While mobile phones have many advantages, a number of problems have also resulted from them or the ways in which they are used. What are some of these problems? What solutions can you suggest for solving these problems? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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