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Athough some people feel children should be made to leave their parents at a certain age, others believe they do not need to. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Athough some people feel children should be made to leave their parents at a certain age, others believe they do not need to. v. 1
Whether children should be granted independence from their parents at a particular age has been a debatable issue for ages. Although certain individuals are of the opinion that as children attain the age of maturity they should be made to leave their guardians to live their own lives, others think children should be able to live under the auspices of their parents irrespective of how old they are. In my opinion, I believe decision for children to leave or continue living with their parents should be left to the child to make instead as opposed to using age as a yardstick. On the one hand, proponents of the viewpoint that children need not continue staying with their parents when they grow to a certain age say so mainly because they see it as a way of fostering a sense of responsibility in them. Basically, making it compulsory for these children to go out and explore the world for themselves can help create experiences that could be life-changing and beneficial. For example, in life a person that is not enjoying parental protection when exposed to an extremely challenging situation and finds solution to it. Subsequently, such individual will naturally improve. On the other hand, certain individuals are of the opinion that there ought not to a limit on the time duration a child can remain with his parents for various reasons. To start with, there is the belief that guardians which allow their children to stay for as long as they want not only raise them to be responsible, they do so while not placing their lives in danger. So, to these individuals, teenagers will be unequipped to handle situations they meet outside at eighteen and so will still struggle. Besides, the liberty that goes with independence could be the undoing of some of these young adults. Thus, whenever children stay with their parents, they do not only get guided but also get the opportunity to gain employment and reach autarky before being made to face the challenging conditions that real life brings. Consequently, this absolutely leaves them in helpless in the street when they are not ready yet. Finally, it is my view that children should be left to decide to remain in their parents' accommodation or live independent of them. This is because in the development of children, some mature faster than others. As a result, it is a child that can know his level of maturity better than anyone else. For instance, some children are already capable of making life changing decision at seventeen while other older children still find it difficult at twenty. Therefore, they should be allowed to move out on their own volition when they feel they are capable of handling the pressure and challenges of facing the outer world. Undeniably, this offers a fair shot at survival to these individuals irrespective of their rate of development. In conclusion, despite varying opinions on if children should be allowed to leave or remain with their parents after a certain age, I believe the overriding factor should be the maturity of the child considering they develop at different pace, and so staying with their parents can act as a cushion for children with slower maturity rate against inclement situations even as they grow into adulthood. Given the above, kids should only move out of their guardians’ accommodation at their volition when they feel equipped enough to do so.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be granted
independence from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has been a debatable issue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. Although
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certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maturity
they should
be made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their guardians to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
under the auspices of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
irrespective of how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
they are. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, I believe decision for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
or continue living with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
instead
as opposed to using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as a yardstick.

On the one hand, proponents of the viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need not continue staying with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they grow to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as a way of fostering a sense of responsibility in them.
Basically
, making it compulsory for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go out and explore the world for themselves can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create experiences that could be life-changing and beneficial.
For example
, in life a person
that is
not enjoying parental protection when exposed to an
extremely
challenging situation and finds solution to it.
Subsequently
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
will
naturally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that there ought not to a limit on the time duration a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can remain with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for various reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there is the belief that guardians which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay for as long as they want not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
raise them to be responsible, they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
while not placing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will
be unequipped
to handle situations they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
outside at eighteen and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will
still
struggle.
Besides
, the liberty that goes with independence could be the undoing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these young adults.
Thus
, whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
guided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to gain employment and reach
Possible spelling mistake found.
autarky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being made
to face the challenging conditions that real life brings.
Consequently
, this
absolutely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
them in helpless in the street when they are not ready
yet
.

Finally
, it is my view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to decide to remain in their parents' accommodation or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independent of them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mature faster than others.
As a result
, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
that can know his level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maturity
better than anyone else.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are already capable of making life changing decision at seventeen while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
still
find it difficult at twenty.
Therefore
, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
volition when they feel they are capable of handling the pressure and challenges of facing the outer world.
Undeniably
, this offers a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
shot at survival to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
irrespective of their rate of development.

In conclusion
, despite varying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
on if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
or remain with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, I believe the overriding factor should be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maturity
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
considering they develop at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pace, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
staying with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can act as a cushion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with slower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maturity
rate against inclement situations even as they grow into adulthood.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the above, kids should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of their guardians’ accommodation at their volition when they feel equipped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Athough some people feel children should be made to leave their parents at a certain age, others believe they do not need to. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
571 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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