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Which would you choose a higher pay job with long hours or an average pay job with normal work hours Explain your choice using specific reasons and details v.1

Which would you choose a higher pay job with long hours or an average pay job with normal work hours Explain your choice using specific reasons and details v. 1
Keeping our surroundings clean is something we have been taught since childhood. While some opine that keeping home and work environment tidy is important others believe in its contrast. I agree with the former as a clean place maintains a positive attitude and also it depicts character in a professional environment. To begin with, even if a person is going through a bad day, an organised surrounding might help that person to keep a positive mindset and think clearly. In a recent psychological research it was shown that people going through depression were able to cope up with it just by cleaning their house daily while depression lasted longer for people who hoarded things and kept their homes unclean for days at a time. This proves that keeping the surroundings clean might give a sense of self accomplishment and keep the mind also clear. Hence, a tidy place has a direct psychological effect on a person. In addition an organised place shows the character of a person which is a predominant requirement at a workplace. For example, one of my colleague who is a great programmer always used to keep his desk cluttered and dirty and seldom organised it. One day our client paid a visit to our office and saw his table which left a bad impression of him on them instantaneously. He was later removed from their project on the client's request. An untidy surrounding certainly showed poor management skills and ignorance towards organised settings. Therefore, in a work environment how a worker keeps his or her place clean and organised reflects upon his or her character. In conclusion, maintaining a tidy environment is of utter importance as it helps keep a positive environment, both externally and internally and also someone's personality is also judged based on it.
Keeping our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
surroundings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
is something we have
been taught
since childhood. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that keeping home and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
tidy is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
others believe in its contrast. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
maintains a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude and
also
it depicts character in a professional environment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, even if a person is going through a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
day, an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
surrounding
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
that person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mindset and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
clearly
. In a recent psychological research it
was shown
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going through depression were able to cope up with it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by cleaning their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
daily while depression lasted longer for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who hoarded things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
their homes unclean for days at a time. This proves that keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
surroundings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
might give a sense of self accomplishment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
the mind
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.
Hence
, a tidy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
has a direct psychological effect on a person.

In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the character of a person which is a predominant requirement at a workplace.
For example
, one of my colleague who is a great programmer always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
his desk cluttered and dirty and seldom
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
it. One day our client paid a visit to our office and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
his table which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression of him on them
instantaneously
. He was later removed from their project on the client's request. An untidy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
surrounding
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
poor management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and ignorance towards
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
settings.
Therefore
, in a work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
how a worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keeps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
reflects upon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
character.

In conclusion
, maintaining a tidy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is of utter importance as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, both
externally
and
internally
and
also
someone's personality is
also
judged based on it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which would you choose a higher pay job with long hours or an average pay job with normal work hours Explain your choice using specific reasons and details v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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