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Which would you choose: a higher pay job with long hours or an average pay job with normal work hours? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v.2

Which would you choose: a higher pay job with long hours or an average pay job with normal work hours? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 2
At the 20th and 21st centuries, one of the rigors of modern life is finding a decent occupation. Actually, no one can turn a blind eye to the pivotal role person' s job in his future. A simple recognition of this argument lends our discussion to the questions of what features a proper job should have. Although some people adhere to this belife that it is better to have high salary job with long hours, in my vantage point, an average pay job with normal work hours is highly beneficial, since they can dedicate some hours to their personal activities, and also it increases their efficiency. The first aspect to point out is that what provokes people to choose an average job with normal work is allocating some hours to their personal lives. As a matter of fact, with the development of human' s modern society and galloping rate of science and technology, jobs are being specialized and sophisticated so much so that every one in charge of a particular job should enjoy valuable skills. That is why employees need some hours to enrich their knowledge, improve his skills and broaden their horizons in their feild. For example, they can get online at home and hunt precious information availble on the Net. Moreover, Not only can they have sheer hours of happiness with their family members, but also they can shed their tension by doing sports. Hence, they can take a break from hectic life and unwind by doing personal activities. The further subtle point is that improving productivity during work hours can be considered another advantage of choosing an avarage pay job with normal hours. Without a shadow of doubt, employees should have high concentration during work hours. Actually, if they work for long hours, they little by little lose their focus. According to recent research conducted in my country, phycologists are in the conviction that working more than 10 hours during a day can leave advers effects on people' s physical and mental health in the long run. Although they feel pleased with being paied more salary, they will overwhelmed by stress. Therefore, people' s morale will be undermined by working for long hours in a day. On the whole, according to above-mentioned details and points, it is crystal-clear that working for short hours by average salary can be useful because individuals can have enough time to accomplish personal activities, and also it rasies their productivity during work' s hours. It is high time we stopped overlooking the fact that people just by high salary can be dilighted and having extraordinary future. Have you ever seen a prosper person who is rich? Can you consider a person successful without any hours of enjoynment in his life? I absolutely believe no!
At the 20th and 21st centuries, one of the rigors of modern life is finding a decent occupation. Actually, no one can turn a blind eye to the pivotal role
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person&
#039; s
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job
in his future. A simple recognition of this argument lends our discussion to the questions of what features a proper
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job
should have. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
adhere to this
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belife
that it is better to have
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
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job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, in my vantage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
, an average pay
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job
with normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
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hours
is
highly
beneficial, since they can dedicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
activities, and
also
it increases their efficiency.

The
first
aspect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
out is that what provokes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is allocating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As a matter of fact, with the development of
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human&
#039; s modern society and galloping rate of science and technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
being specialized
and sophisticated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every one in charge of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should enjoy valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
That is
why employees need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to enrich their knowledge,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and broaden their horizons in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
feild
.
For example
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
online at home and hunt precious information
Possible spelling mistake found.
availble
on the Net.
Moreover
, Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they have sheer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of happiness with their family members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can shed their tension by doing sports.
Hence
, they can take a break from hectic life and unwind by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
activities.

The
further
subtle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is that improving productivity during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
can
be considered
another advantage of choosing an
Possible spelling mistake found.
avarage
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Without a shadow of doubt, employees should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
concentration during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Actually, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Did you maybe mean "buy"?
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
lose their focus. According to recent research conducted in my country,
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phycologists
are in the conviction that working more than 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
during a day can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
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advers
effects on
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people&
#039; s physical and mental health in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
run. Although they feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with being
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paied
more
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salary
, they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "overwhelm"
overwhelmed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Therefore
,
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people&
#039; s morale will
be undermined
by working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a day.

On the whole
, according to above-mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and
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points
, it is crystal-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that working for short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
can be useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to accomplish
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personal
activities, and
also
it
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rasies
their productivity during
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work&
#039; s
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hours
. It is
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high
time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
overlooking the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
can be
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dilighted
and having extraordinary future. Have you ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'prosper' is correct. If 'prosper' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a prosper
person who is rich? Can you consider a person successful without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
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enjoynment
in his life? I
absolutely
believe no!
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes

IELTS essay Which would you choose: a higher pay job with long hours or an average pay job with normal work hours? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
462 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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