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technology has made children less creative than children in the past. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

technology has made children less creative than children in the past. v. 2
The 20th and 21th centuries are characterized by all the momentous changes which have been made in human lives. Perhaps the most important milestone of these two centuries is the advent of sophisticated technology. Vast majorities of people might argue that such a change has caused some unfavorable consequences in human lives. Stemming from this fact, a relevant question that is a moot point is whether nowadays technology influenced children' s creativity negatively than previous years. I am, however, to a great extent of the conviction that in spite of all significant advantages, technology has deleterious effects on children' s lives. The following paragraphs will aptly substantiate my personal stance. To commence with, it is established beyond doubt that in today' s hectic city of life technology has penetrated every single facet of our lives and although it helps people especially children to make a progress and flourish in their personal life day in day out, it has created some trials and tribulations for children, which put their health into danger. Generally phrased, based on recent studies conducted by some scholars, today' s' children are more dependable to the electronic device and some technological advancement rather than children in past time because of an invention of new technologies all around the world. For instance, a plethora of children get used to stay at home and play video games in solitude. So, this situation not only can affect children' s social activities but also can influence their health negatively. In fact, radiation emitted by the screen can deteriorate children' s eyesight in the long run. To elucidate more on this issue, children in the past were healthier owing to the fact that hardly ever they play electronically. In fact, crowds of them preferred outdoor activities like soccer, volleyball, swimming and so forth. As a matter of fact, these kinds of plays patronize children not only lead a healthy life but also grow maturely. Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that not only can technology restrict children' s mind but also can limit their thinking. To put it in another word, many types of research have shown that children at an early age are talent and creative but technological advancement could diminish this creativity. As a tangible example, children in the past did not use the calculator in their study and solve the problems by their own creativity. But nowadays children rely on calculator even for the simplest problem in order to resolve problems. Going into the depth, although technology might help children vigorously, it can discourage children from thinking wisely and deeply about surrounding problems. However, with the advent of new technology children have become more intelligent due to the fact that it provides an opportunity for them to keep on their education and reach a tertiary education. Indeed, new technologies have encouraged children to be creative and curious toward any situation. In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that
The 20th and
Please check the suffix, if this is an ordinal number.
21th
centuries
are characterized
by all the momentous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which have
been made
in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Perhaps the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
milestone of these two centuries is the advent of sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Vast majorities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might argue that such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unfavorable consequences in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Stemming from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, a relevant question
that is
a moot point is whether nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
influenced
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s creativity
Use "(negatively)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
negatively
than previous years. I am,
however
, to a great extent of the conviction that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
all significant advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has deleterious effects on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. The following paragraphs will
aptly
substantiate my personal stance.

To commence with, it
is established
beyond doubt that in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s hectic city of life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has penetrated every single facet of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and although it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a progress and flourish in their personal life day in day out, it has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trials and tribulations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which put their health into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Generally
phrased, based on recent studies conducted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scholars,
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039;
Possible spelling mistake found.
s&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more dependable to the electronic device and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technological advancement
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of an invention of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
all around the world.
For instance
, a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to stay at home and play video games in solitude.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this situation not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s social activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can influence their health
negatively
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, radiation emitted by the screen can deteriorate
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s eyesight in the long run. To elucidate more on this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the past were healthier owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that hardly ever they play
electronically
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, crowds of them preferred outdoor activities like soccer, volleyball, swimming and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. As a matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, these kinds of plays patronize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead a healthy life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
grow
maturely
.

Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
restrict
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can limit their thinking. To put it in another word,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of research have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at an early age are talent and creative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
technological advancement could diminish this creativity. As a tangible example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the past did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the calculator in their study and solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
creativity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rely on calculator even for the simplest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in order to resolve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Going into the depth, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
vigorously
, it can discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from thinking
wisely
and
deeply
about surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
However
, with the advent of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have become more intelligent due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that it provides an opportunity for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on their education and reach a tertiary education.
Indeed
, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have encouraged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be creative and curious toward any situation.

In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay technology has made children less creative than children in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
490 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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