Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Question: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Question: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Nowadays there is a much heated debate over the parents regarding the awards such as a certain amount of money that they should be given to their children after each high grade that they receive. I disagree and believe that parents should not give money to their children even though they get good grades. Firstly, it must be taken into consideration that not all the students are gifted in academics. If a parent tells his child " I will give you fifty box if you get a A in math" that will create a lot of stress, especially so if that child is not mathematically inclined. For example, my brother it was not good in athletics, he tried to gain some athletic power, but he did not succeed on that skill. I remember one day my further told him that he will give him a considerable amount of money if he try hard to get a A in athletics. My further did that because he thought to motivate him more. But it did not work because it was not that my brother did not want the money. In reality he could not reach that grade. Consequently, he felt very bad about it. This experience proved me that it is impossible trying to motivate children by offering money because other factors may contribute in their capability. Secondly, there has to be a deeper meaning to life rather than the all-consuming desire to possess more wealth. Children should understand that being successful in life does not mean that money is the first thing that you get. Money is one good thing that comes, but is not all. The satisfaction that people get when they have been successful is the good feeling that they experience. As can be seen, the high grades bring other pleasure rather than money alone. So, children should focus to experience that feeling instead. In conclusion, although there are those who hold this idea that parents should award their kids after they get a high score. It seem to me that not all students are blessed in academics, art or sports, so we should not force them in something that they are not good at, but instead encourage them to do even better in thinks that they really like and are skilled for.
Nowadays there is a much heated debate over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
regarding the awards such as a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after each high grade that they receive. I disagree and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
even though
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grades.

Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into consideration that not all the students
are gifted
in academics. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
his child
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; I will give you fifty box if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "A" is left.
a A
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
math&quot
; that will create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if that child is not
mathematically
inclined.
For example
, my brother it was not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in athletics, he tried to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
athletic power,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he did not succeed on that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. I remember one day my
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
him that he will give him a considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
if he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "tries", "tried".
try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "A" is left.
a A
in athletics. My
further
did that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to motivate him more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it did not work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was not that my brother did not want the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "reality, he".
reality he
could not reach that grade.
Consequently
, he felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
about it. This experience proved me that it is impossible trying to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
other factors may contribute in their capability.

Secondly
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be a deeper meaning to life
rather
than the all-consuming desire to possess more wealth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should understand that being successful in life does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
first
thing that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is not all. The satisfaction that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
when they have been successful is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
feeling that they experience. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, the high grades bring other pleasure
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
alone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus to experience that feeling
instead
.

In conclusion
, although there are those who hold this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should award their kids after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high score. It
Did you mean "seems"?
seem
to me that not all students
are blessed
in academics, art or sports,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should not force them in something that they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
encourage them to do even better in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that they
really
like and
are skilled
for.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Question: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts