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Which would you choose: a higher paid job with long hours or an average paid job with normal work hours? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v.2

Which would you choose: a higher paid job with long hours or an average paid job with normal work hours? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 2
In terms of employment opportunities, all candidates should keep in mind that sloppy decision-making can get punished swiftly. When referring to what kind of job should we choose, some applicants, especially those who have been eager to improve the life standard and accumulate credits needed for promotion, may consider a high-paying job with long hours as a wise option. However, from my perspective, I prefer to choose a job requiring less working hours, regardless of meager income, because less salary will lead to less pressure and more private time, which is conducive to the health and well-being of individuals. Admittedly, some people might concern that intense competition from seeking and securing high-paying jobs can promote their professional capabilities. Especially for the young people, moving out of comfort zone and accepting responsibilities for the escalating ambition might allow youngsters to reflect on their personal values. Just like a powerful stimulus, high salary may motivate them to struggle for bigger achievements. Psychologically speaking, they are trying to demonstrate the truth that they deserve what they receive. In this way, their competence can be fully enhanced by the heavy pressure and tight schedule. Therefore, the aforementioned reasons may account for why the vast majority of people prefer to a high paid job in spite of tough workload. However, although high income may result in the progress of professional skills, I am definitely in preference of an average paid job with normal work hour since high salary is often accompanied by high pressure and risk at work, which can undermine people’s health. In modern society, a considerable number of people are lied in a fast-paced life and have been deprived of time of rest. In consequence, they may suffer a lot from sleeplessness and headache. For instance, statistics show that people under heavy workload have a higher risk of heart diseases and hypertension, which dramatically threatens the lifespan of modern white collar class in large cities. Furthermore, in some cases, unable to put up with tough tension, some people may go to extremes, and even commit suicide. Conversely, if working with relatively low salary but less pressure, I can ensure my mental health. Therefore, I am more willing to choose a job with normal work ours without considering the salary. What’s more, a less intensive occupation means more private time, thus we can accompany our family members frequently. Being with a family is a happiness that far outweighs any success achieved at work. Undeniably, nothing is more pleasing than cooking and dinning with our families because home encompasses the richest sources of happiness in our whole life. For instance, a sense of fulfillment gained from taking the family on vacation should be stronger than that gained from a fruitful but tiring business trip. Hence, it is imperative to squeeze out enough time to stay with our families, whether it be hanging out together after dinner or watching television at home. All of these can be achieved by a job which allows adequate free time, and that’s why I prefer a job with normal working hours in spite of meager income. In sum, although people may concern that a high-paying job can contribute to improvements of themselves, I still prefer a job with comparatively lower income but normal working time due to the fact that it can provide me more spare time as well as less pressure.
In terms of employment opportunities, all candidates should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that sloppy decision-making can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
punished
swiftly
. When referring to what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should we choose,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
applicants,
especially
those who have been eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the life standard and accumulate credits needed for promotion, may consider a high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
as a wise option.
However
, from my perspective, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, regardless of meager income,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
will lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and more private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which is conducive to the health and well-being of individuals.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might concern that intense competition from seeking and securing high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can promote their professional capabilities.
Especially
for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, moving out of comfort zone and accepting responsibilities for the escalating ambition might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
youngsters to reflect on their personal values.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like a powerful stimulus,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
may motivate them to struggle for bigger achievements.
Psychologically
speaking, they are trying to demonstrate the truth that they deserve what they receive. In this way, their competence can be
fully
enhanced by the heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and tight schedule.
Therefore
, the aforementioned reasons may account for why the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
tough workload.

However
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income may result in the progress of professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, I am definitely in preference of an average paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
accompanied by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which can undermine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health. In modern society, a considerable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lied
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced life and have
been deprived
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of rest. In consequence, they may suffer a lot from sleeplessness and headache.
For instance
, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under heavy workload have a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart diseases and hypertension, which
dramatically
threatens the lifespan of modern white collar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in large cities.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, unable to put up with tough tension,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may go to extremes, and even commit suicide.
Conversely
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
relatively
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, I can ensure my mental health.
Therefore
, I am more willing to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
ours without considering the salary.

What’s more, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
intensive occupation means more private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
thus
we can accompany our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
frequently
. Being with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a happiness that far outweighs any success achieved at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Undeniably
, nothing is more pleasing than cooking and dinning with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
home encompasses the richest sources of happiness in our whole life.
For instance
, a sense of fulfillment gained from taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
on vacation should be stronger than that gained from a fruitful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
tiring business trip.
Hence
, it is imperative to squeeze out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to stay with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, whether it be hanging out together after dinner or watching television at home. All of these can
be achieved
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
adequate free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and that’s why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
meager income.

In sum, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may concern that a high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can contribute to improvements of themselves, I
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
comparatively
lower income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
due to the fact that it can provide me more spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
71Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Which would you choose: a higher paid job with long hours or an average paid job with normal work hours? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
562 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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