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More and more people in the city live in homes with small space or no outdoor areas Do you think it is a negative or positive development v.2

More and more people in the city live in homes with small space or no outdoor areas Do you think it is a negative or positive development v. 2
It is true that the increasing number of people live in the urban city without a much more space in outside or inside of their house. While living in the small apartment and building could be reasonable than normal living standards. I would believe that these is an negative development. There are several reasons account for why enterprise provided house to people cheaper price, this is lead to more and more urban resident preferred to stay at their own home that they have considered one of the most best choice. In some developing countries, people immigrant from oversea create high population density, and the available house are not enough to accommodate in significant increase demands. In many skyscraper, studio apartment where built to reserve for communities and individual become an proper housing and the best way to building seller earn high profit. However, many small house are increasingly common, because many people prepare to live in limited areas or suffer lower-level living condition, they not affordable to pay an expensive house. This is an better choice to live on the street. However, this tendency affect directly to housing market which is appeared the huge of negative impacts. Firstly, without enough space for individual and personal life. Even with an developing countries like England, traditional house have been replaced by the wide range of field in the city where is divided separately into many functional room for many specific purposes, as well as uncomfortable to share bathroom and kitchen. Secondly, another characteristic of the urban life is lack of one garden or even a space for children learning and playing outside activities. If the children must not to play under the sun in outside, they will not to develop their physical abilities and not essential skill, like sports, extra-learning curriculum in outside. In conclusion, many advocates would argue that welcoming of small space is one of the financial choice, and this trend should be considered as an negative development.
It is true that the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the urban city without a much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
in outside or
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. While living in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
apartment and building could be
Use "(reasonable)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
reasonable
than normal living standards. I would believe that
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "these am", "these are", "these aren"?
these is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

There are several reasons account for why enterprise provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cheaper price, this is lead to more and more urban resident preferred to stay at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home that they have considered one of the
A determiner is probably missing here: "most the best".
most best
choice. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrant from oversea create high population density, and the available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to accommodate in significant increase demands. In
Possible agreement error. The noun skyscraper seems to be countable; consider using: "many skyscrapers".
many skyscraper
, studio apartment where built to reserve for communities and individual become
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
proper housing and the best way to building seller earn high profit.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
are
increasingly
common,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prepare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in limited areas or suffer lower-level living condition, they not affordable to pay an expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. This is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
better choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the street.

However
, this tendency affect
directly
to housing market which
is appeared
The phrase 'the huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the huge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
Firstly
, without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for individual and personal life. Even with
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
like England, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
have
been replaced
by the wide
Possible agreement error. The noun 'field' seems to be countable; consider using: "range of fields".
range of field
in the city where
is divided
separately
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
functional room for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
specific purposes,
as well
as uncomfortable to share bathroom and kitchen.
Secondly
, another characteristic of the urban life is lack of one garden or even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for children learning and playing outside activities. If the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not to play under the sun in outside, they will not to develop their physical abilities and not essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, like sports, extra-learning curriculum in outside.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advocates would argue that welcoming of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is one of the financial choice, and this trend should
be considered
as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people in the city live in homes with small space or no outdoor areas Do you think it is a negative or positive development v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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