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Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you a little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? v.1

Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you a little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? v. 1
If I was asked to make a choice between a high-paying job with long hours and a lower-paying job with shorter hours I would hesitate to answer. I did not decide for myself yet what I want in my life more my family or my career. I think that these options are very different ones and one needs time to make a right decision. From the one side, a high-paying job with long hours gives one more opportunities to make a great career and succeed in life. Another important aspect of this is that one can earn more money for his family. In addition to these practical benefits, a person can get satisfaction and self-realisation that are very important in one's life. I think that it is a very great and essential feeling to be a part of the progress, make differences and be satisfied with the job. However, a high-paying job with long hours brings many disadvantages too. For example, a person will have less time for his family and friends. Secondly, the job will be more stressful and bring more responsibilities. A person will have to sacrifice many things to his job. From the other side, a low-paying job with shorter hours can bring many benefits. One can spend more time with his family and have many pleasant and beautiful moments together. Also, a job will be less stressful and not require to sacrifice one's spare time to get it done. However, a person most likely will not be able to make a career and make much money. Moreover, one's salary may be not enough to pay for his children's education. To sum up, I think that every person at least one time in his life realize this and make a decision whether he or she wants a career or great family. And I did not make this decision yet.
If I
was asked
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a choice between a high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and a lower-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
I would hesitate to answer. I did not decide for myself
yet
what I want in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these options are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ones and one needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a right decision.

From the one side, a high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
gives one more opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of this is that one can earn more money for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
In addition
to these practical benefits, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfaction and
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-realisation
that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
great and essential feeling to be a part of the progress,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
differences and
be satisfied
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
However
, a high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages too.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will be more stressful and bring more responsibilities. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sacrifice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to his job.

From the other side, a low-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. One can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pleasant and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
moments together.
Also
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will be less stressful and not require to sacrifice one's spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it done.
However
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
most likely will not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
much money.
Moreover
, one's salary may be not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to pay for his children's education.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
realize this and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a decision whether he or she wants a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
or great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. And I did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this decision
yet
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you a little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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