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What do you consider to be the most important room in a house? Why is this room more important to you than any other room? v.3

What do you consider to be the most important room in a house? Why is this room more important to you than any other room? v. 3
My husband and I live in an apartment, which includes a bedroom, living room, bathroom and kitchen. We do not have children yet, so our apartment is pretty small but it is cheap and cozy. If I would have to choose the most important room in a house I think it would be living room. In the following paragraphs, I will present my reasons to support my answer. First of all, a living room is the place where we take our guests. It is the main and the biggest room in our apartment and we try to keep it clean and cozy. For example, my husband vacuums it every other day especially when it is wet outside and our dog makes dirty sports on the carpet with its paws after a walk. Second of all, I think that living room is the most important room in our house because we spend most of our time there watching TV, having our dinner and just talking with each other. Finally, our living room is a place where we study. Since our apartment is rather small we do not have a room for studying, so I have my table with the computer on it in our living room. I like to study there because the room is perfectly light with the large windows and the beautiful view from them. My parents have a much bigger house with six rooms, large kitchen and two floors. However, I think that my mother would agree with me that their living room is the most important room in the house. When we visit them we always gather there, lay the table, and have a long talk. My mother makes delicious cakes and aromatic tea. I like those moments. To sum up, I think many people will agree with me that living room is the most important room in a house because it is the room where people spend most of their time at home.
My husband and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
, which includes a bedroom,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
, bathroom and kitchen. We do not have children
yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
is pretty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and cozy.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
. In the following paragraphs, I will present my reasons to support my answer.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
is the place where we take our guests. It is the main and the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
in our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
apartment and
we try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it clean and cozy.
For example
, my husband vacuums it every other day
especially
when it is wet outside and our dog
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
dirty sports on the carpet with its paws after a walk. Second of all, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we spend most of our time there watching TV, having our dinner and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
talking with each other.
Finally
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
is a place where we study. Since our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
is
rather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
we do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
for studying,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I have my table with the computer on it in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
. I like to study there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
is
perfectly
light with the large windows and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
view from them.

My parents have a much bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
, large kitchen and two floors.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that my mother would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with me that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. When we visit them we always gather there, lay the table, and have a long talk. My mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
delicious cakes and aromatic tea. I like those moments.

To sum up, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend most of their time at home.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay What do you consider to be the most important room in a house? Why is this room more important to you than any other room? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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