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Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons v.1

Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons v. 1
It is thought that people of different ages have different shopping habits and these habits are dependent on which youth group they fit into rather than any other demographic. For me, it would really depend on the definition of ‘shopping habit’ is, as well as how the life groups are defined. I understand “shopping habits” to be any time you go out and spend money for whatever reason, not necessarily purely for clothes or food. This would include going to restaurants and perhaps the cinema or KTV as well as sports activities. I would probably define the maturity groups in blocks of 10 years. If this were the case, I can see some arguments that might support this statement due to the fact that people of different ages will buy different things and at different times, but I don’t believe it is solely due to their youth. For instance, some of my older friends, by about 5 years, are now married and some of them aren’t. Although they are the same old age their shopping habits are completely different. The ones that are married and are now living with their husbands rather than their parents are quite often going shopping for food or other things to do with home life, whereas my friends that are unmarried mainly shopping for clothes. Another example of why it is not the unique decider, is recreation activities that different people do. I am thinking of my friends that play sport with me, sometimes twice a week. Our squash club is made up of entirely different people, with youth ranges from 16 to 70; there are both women and men that play from all parts of the world including England, America, South Africa and China. So again, this “habit” has nothing at all to do with life. In conclusion, then I totally disagree with this statement as although youth might be a small contributing factor, it is certainly not the most important.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
are dependent on which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
group they fit into
rather
than any other demographic.

For me, it would
really
depend on the definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit’
is,
as well
as how the life groups
are defined
. I understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits”
to be any time you go out and spend money for whatever reason, not
necessarily
purely
for clothes or food. This would include going to restaurants and perhaps the cinema or
Possible spelling mistake found.
KTV
as well
as sports activities. I would
probably
define the maturity groups in blocks of 10 years.

If this were the case, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments that might support this statement due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things and at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I don’t believe it is
solely
due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my older friends, by about 5 years, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
married and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them aren’t.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
they are the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
are completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
. The ones that
are married
and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living with their husbands
rather
than their parents are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for food or other things to do with home life, whereas my friends that
are unmarried
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for clothes.

Another example of why it is not the unique decider, is recreation activities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. I am thinking of my friends that play sport with me,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
twice a week. Our squash club
is made
up of
entirely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
ranges from 16 to 70; there are both women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
that play from all parts of the world including England, America, South Africa and China.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
again, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“habit”
has nothing at all to do with life.

In conclusion
, then I
totally
disagree with this statement as although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
might be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
contributing factor, it is
certainly
not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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