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People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. v.1

People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. v. 1
I absolutely agree with the statement that sometimes people should do things they do not enjoy doing. Take me for example and I can say from my own experience that doing new things explore new possibilities in front of me. I hate to get up early. It is so relaxing to wake up without the help of an alarm clock and to lie fifteen minutes more recalling your dreams. Nevertheless, I get up at 6 o'clock every morning, put on my T-shirt and shorts and go jogging. Sometimes when I hear the sound of my alarm clock I have a strong wish to put my head under the pillow and fall asleep. Now and then I wake up at night and look at my wrist watch to check how many hours I have left. And I am the happiest person in the whole world because I have a few more hours to sleep. You may ask me "Why do I do it every morning? ". Because more than I hate to get up early I love to feel the freshness of the morning air. I love to feel a little bit tired and at the same time to be so full of energy. It helps me to feel better all day long. Moreover, I hate shopping. It is my opinion that shopping takes too much time which I can spend doing things I enjoy doing. Nevertheless every week I go to the nearest supermarket because otherwise my refrigerator will be empty and I can not afford to have dinner at the restaurant every day. Besides, I like to cook. So, a few hours spent on shopping makes me happy for the whole week. Is not it great? From my point of view when a man has to do things that he does not like to, he becomes stronger, more responsible and can enjoy life.
I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should do things they do not enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
. Take me
for example
and I can say from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
new things explore new possibilities in front of me.

I hate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
relaxing to wake up without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of an alarm clock and to lie fifteen minutes more recalling your dreams.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up at 6 o'clock every morning, put on my T-shirt and shorts and go jogging.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
when I hear the sound of my alarm clock I have a strong wish to put my head under the pillow and fall asleep.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
and then I wake up at night and look at my wrist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
. And I am the happiest person in the whole world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have a few more hours to sleep. You may ask me
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Why do I do it every morning?
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
more than I hate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to feel the freshness of the morning air. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to feel a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
tired and at the same time to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
full of energy. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me to feel better all day long.

Moreover
, I hate shopping. It is my opinion that shopping takes too much time which I can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things I enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
every week I go to the nearest supermarket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
otherwise
my refrigerator will be empty and I can not afford to have dinner at the restaurant every day.
Besides
, I like to cook.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a few hours spent on shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me happy for the whole week. Is not
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
great?

From my point of view when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do things that he does not like to, he becomes stronger, more responsible and can enjoy life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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