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People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. v.1

People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. v. 1
I absolutely agree with the statement that sometimes people should do things they do not enjoy doing. Take me for example and I can say from my own experience that doing new things explore new possibilities in front of me. I hate to get up early. It is so relaxing to wake up without the help of an alarm clock and to lie fifteen minutes more recalling your dreams. Nevertheless, I get up at 6 o'clock every morning, put on my T-shirt and shorts and go jogging. Sometimes when I hear the sound of my alarm clock I have a strong wish to put my head under the pillow and fall asleep. Now and then I wake up at night and look at my wrist watch to check how many hours I have left. And I am the happiest person in the whole world because I have a few more hours to sleep. You may ask me "Why do I do it every morning? ". Because more than I hate to get up early I love to feel the freshness of the morning air. I love to feel a little bit tired and at the same time to be so full of energy. It helps me to feel better all day long. Moreover, I hate shopping. It is my opinion that shopping takes too much time which I can spend doing things I enjoy doing. Nevertheless every week I go to the nearest supermarket because otherwise my refrigerator will be empty and I can not afford to have dinner at the restaurant every day. Besides, I like to cook. So, a few hours spent on shopping makes me happy for the whole week. Is not it great? From my point of view when a man has to do things that he does not like to, he becomes stronger, more responsible and can enjoy life.
I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should do things they do not enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
. Take me
for example
and I can say from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
new things explore new possibilities in front of me.

I hate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
relaxing to wake up without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of an alarm clock and to lie fifteen minutes more recalling your dreams.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up at 6 o'clock every morning, put on my T-shirt and shorts and go jogging.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
when I hear the sound of my alarm clock I have a strong wish to put my head under the pillow and fall asleep.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
and then I wake up at night and look at my wrist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
. And I am the happiest person in the whole world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have a few more hours to sleep. You may ask me
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Why do I do it every morning?
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
more than I hate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to feel the freshness of the morning air. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to feel a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
tired and at the same time to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
full of energy. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me to feel better all day long.

Moreover
, I hate shopping. It is my opinion that shopping takes too much time which I can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things I enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
every week I go to the nearest supermarket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
otherwise
my refrigerator will be empty and I can not afford to have dinner at the restaurant every day.
Besides
, I like to cook.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a few hours spent on shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me happy for the whole week. Is not
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
great?

From my point of view when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do things that he does not like to, he becomes stronger, more responsible and can enjoy life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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