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71)Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reason v.1

71)Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reason v. 1
In the salad days of Millenniums, the society is polarised into two groups almost equally regarding to the notion that, many individuals say that the College should give a bonus to those Students who show outstanding academic performance. Although, others think that the College should give a prize to the average offsprings for a better future. Different people have their distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making the final sheet. To commence with the first notion that, some people opine that reward is only for those particular students who is best in academic performance. There are myriad things in its favour. First and foremost, whenever the schools give awards to the very best offsprings for better competition in the classroom. As a result, more and more weak as well as average children will be encourage their self towards high grades in the examination. Secondly, many big educational institutions some excellent students got a better response from their tutors such as: excel opportunities in future, scholarships and many other. Consequently, it is a big helpful thing for many poor students and winning prizes in school make them active in studies. Shifting towards to the second school of thought, the schools should encourage every child to show improvements. Not only for recovering the average score in exams, but also better involvement in the present study. Therefore, the classes are well balanced with the result that the challenge between the other students contributed to increase their general performance. Moreover, even the average student can get the equal chance to perform the task in a classroom. Last but not the least, instead of feeling bad when the topper classmates got a gift from mentors as well as the weak wards are also recognised themselves for better development for getting these particular awards in next time. Having discussed the arguments and the counter arguments, I would like to state that it is essential for every school that they give equal importance to their aspirants. So, everyone can do their best in the Classroom and it is easy for average blooming buds to improve their grades. Hammering the last nail, I personally feel that, although the duty of schools do not partly with the blooming buds. It seems to be that It's better to give the encouragement and motivation thoughts to improve their academic grades.
In the salad days of Millenniums, the society is
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
into two groups almost
equally
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the notion that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals say that the College should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a bonus to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
outstanding academic performance. Although, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the College should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a prize to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making the final sheet.

To commence with the
first
notion that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that reward is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for those particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'students' should be used.
is
best in academic performance. There are myriad things in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
First
and foremost, whenever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
awards to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
best
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
competition in the classroom.
As a result
, more and more weak
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
children will be
Consider using the past participle "encouraged"?
encourage
their self towards high grades in the examination.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
educational institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
response from their tutors such as: excel opportunities
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
, scholarships and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possibly, a noun is missing after 'other'. Or do you mean "others"?
other
.
Consequently
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
helpful thing for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and winning prizes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them active in studies.

Shifting towards to the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should encourage every child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
improvements. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for recovering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
score in exams,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
involvement in the present study.
Therefore
, the classes are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well balanced
with the result that the challenge between the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
contributed to increase their general performance.
Moreover
, even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the equal chance to perform the task in a classroom. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
instead
of feeling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
when the topper classmates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a gift from mentors
as well
as the weak wards are
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
themselves for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
development for getting these particular awards in
next
time.

Having discussed the arguments and the counter arguments, I would like to state that it is essential for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
equal importance to their aspirants.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, everyone can do their best in the Classroom and it is easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
blooming buds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their grades.

Hammering the last nail, I
personally
feel that, although the duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not partly with the blooming buds. It seems to be that It's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the encouragement and motivation thoughts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic grades.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay 71)Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reason v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
396 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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