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Which would you choose: a high-paying job that you didn’t enjoy, or a lower-paying job that you did enjoy? Explain your reasoning, using specific reasons and examples. v.1

Which would you choose: a high-paying job that you didn’t enjoy, or a lower-paying job that you did enjoy? Explain your reasoning, using specific reasons and examples. v. 1
It is sometimes argued that early formal education is a key to success in later life. However, some people consider that children under seven should not attend school. I firmly believe in the latter. On the one hand, it is thought that it should not be allowed to begin education at the age less than 7. This is for the reason that such children are not completely ready for school as their mental development is not sufficient yet. As a consequence, they will face plenty of difficulties in a school environment. Not only they would not be able to follow rules and control emotions, but also it is almost impossible for that age group to stay focused for a long time and, as a result, their well-being may be affected. For instance, it has been recently discovered that such children feel more anxious and awkward than others. As opposite, some people think that if their child more intelligent than his peers, or gifted, an early entry into school must be admitted. There is some benefit in doing so as this would allow such children to fully fulfil their potential. To illustrate this point, gifted children with no intellectual exercising would lose motivation and become bored. However, rarely do parents realize that readiness for school is also about physical development. The youngest students in class often become victims of bullying as the tiniest, and therefore, perceived as weak. In conclusion, though people may vary in their attitudes, I am convinced that children need to start school only when they are mature enough both physically and mentally, that is after their seventh birthday.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that early formal education is a key to success in later life.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under seven should not attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
firmly
believe in the latter.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
education at the age less than 7. This is for the reason that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not completely ready for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as their mental development is not sufficient
yet
. As a consequence, they will face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of difficulties in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environment. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they would not be able to follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and control emotions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is almost impossible for that age group to stay focused for a long time and,
as a result
, their well-being may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
For instance
, it has been recently discovered that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel more anxious and awkward than others.

As opposite,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if their child more intelligent than his peers, or gifted, an early entry into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefit in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
fully
fulfil their potential. To illustrate this point, gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with no intellectual exercising would lose motivation and become bored.
However
, rarely do parents realize that readiness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
also
about physical development. The youngest students in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become victims of bullying as the tiniest, and
therefore
, perceived as weak.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their attitudes, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
both
physically
and mentally,
that is
after their seventh birthday.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which would you choose: a high-paying job that you didn’t enjoy, or a lower-paying job that you did enjoy? Explain your reasoning, using specific reasons and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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