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Some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information that they need form the internet. They can learn and be educated at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information that they need form the internet. They can learn and be educated at home. v. 1
With the growth in internet technology, students are learning through it by sitting at their homes, so certain individuals believe that educational institutes are not needed anymore. I completely disagree with the notion because, in schools, learners learn according to the curriculum, and they develop their skills while studying there. To commence with, the schools are necessary because teachers in schools teach children according to the syllabus made by the educational experts. Therefore, they learn only those topics which are essential. As a result, it saves a lot of time and efforts. Whereas on the internet, there may be a vast material available for a particular topic, thus by learning from it can be a waste of time and energy. For example, according to a survey conducted in a newspaper, it is found that students who studied in educational institutes have a more precise knowledge of subjects as compared to the learners who learned by themselves at home. Hence, schools are vital to gain information in less time. Moreover, when learners go to school, they meet with their peers and participate in events that are organized by the institute. This practice not only improves their communication skills, but also their mental ability, which may help them in their future to secure a reputed job. For instance, in a survey conducted by Cambridge University, it is found that there are 50 percent more chances of getting a job when students are educated from in comparison to at home through the internet. Thus, it makes the future bright for learners. To summarize, I believe that schools play a significant role in educating children. They can learn through guided material as well as develops their skills vital to acquire a job.
With the growth in internet technology, students are learning through it by sitting at their homes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
certain individuals believe that educational institutes are not needed anymore. I completely disagree with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, learners learn according to the curriculum, and they develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
while studying there.

To commence with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
teachers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
teach children according to the syllabus made by the educational experts.
Therefore
, they learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those topics which are essential.
As a result
, it saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and efforts. Whereas on the internet, there may be a vast material available for a particular topic,
thus
by learning from it can be a waste of time and energy.
For example
, according to a survey conducted in a newspaper, it
is found
that students who studied in educational institutes have a more precise knowledge of subjects as compared to the learners who learned by themselves at home.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are vital to gain information in less time.

Moreover
, when learners go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with their peers and participate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that
are organized
by the institute. This practice not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their mental ability, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future to secure a reputed job.
For instance
, in a survey conducted by Cambridge University, it
is found
that there are 50 percent more chances of getting a job when students
are educated
from
in comparison
to at home through the internet.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the future bright for learners.

To summarize
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play a significant role in educating children. They can learn through guided material
as well
as develops their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
vital to acquire a job.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information that they need form the internet. They can learn and be educated at home. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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