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Which person are you most likely to go to with a personal problem? Describe this person and say why you would go to him/her in particular. v.1

Which person are you most likely to go to with a personal problem? Describe this person and say why you would go to him/her in particular. v. 1
Some people think that risky sports should be outlawed in order to preserve human safety, however in the opposite, many people agree that everybody should have the freedom to do whatever activity they like. In my opinion, I believe that as possible as dangerous sports can be supervised and regulated by a professional and don’t put in danger any other person’s life, there’s no need to ban them. Firstly, during a lot of years, people have had the freedom to choose whatever sport they would like to practice. For any athlete, sports aren’t only a simple activity to have fun, but also a way for a lot of them to disconnect as well as feel better after. While some people achieve this inner peace by playing sports such as football or basketball, others like the feeling of pleasure they feel when adrenaline is produced, for, for example, when they jump out of cliffs or surf in the hazardous waves of Australia. However, people who do these kind of dangerous sports and activities, are usually trained by expert coaches who have the appropriate knowledge to guide them and so, guarantee their safety. In my opinion, the problem comes when some people try to do these activities by their own, without having a clear idea of the danger they are involved in. A good example of this is what happens to surf. Despite the dangerous consequences of being hit by a big wave and swallow in the water, many people still practice it in a lot of beaches around the world, so, as a consequence, in some beaches it has had to be forbidden to those people that don't have any certificate or licence that allow them to do it. In conclusion, I believe that the need to ban dangerous activities, it depends on how responsible we are. People should have the right knowledge as well as the right and qualified experience to be responsible for their safety as well as the one’s near them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be outlawed
in order to preserve human safety,
however
in the opposite,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that everybody should have the freedom to do whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
they like. In my opinion, I believe that as possible as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
be supervised
and regulated by a professional and don’t put in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
any other person’s life, there’s no need to ban them.

Firstly
, during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have had the freedom to choose whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
they would like to practice. For any athlete,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
aren’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
to have fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
them to disconnect
as well
as feel better after. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
achieve this inner peace by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football or basketball, others like the feeling of pleasure they feel when adrenaline
is produced
, for,
for example
, when they jump out of cliffs or surf in the hazardous waves of Australia.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, are
usually
trained by expert coaches who have the appropriate knowledge to guide them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, guarantee their safety.

In my opinion, the problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to do these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, without having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
they
are involved
in. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is what happens to surf. Despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
consequences of
being hit
by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
wave and swallow in the water,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
practice it in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
beaches around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, as a consequence, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beaches it has had to
be forbidden
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that don't have any certificate or
Possible spelling mistake. 'licence' is British English.
licence
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to do it.

In conclusion
, I believe that the need to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it depends on how responsible we are.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should have the right knowledge
as well
as the right and qualified experience to be responsible for their safety
as well
as the one’s near them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Which person are you most likely to go to with a personal problem? Describe this person and say why you would go to him/her in particular. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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