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The graph below shows the average monthly salary and the prices of black and white and colour TV in Japanese yen from 1953 to 1973, Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The graph below shows the average monthly salary and the prices of black and white and colour TV in Japanese yen from 1953 to 1973,
It is believed that some people need to accept their life even in the bad situation such as the not satisfactory job and get a small amount of salary. Others argue that they need to try their best to improve themselves in such situation. This essay will be discussed both view of this issue and I will give my opinion on the matter. On the one hand, some people choose to accept all the situations that happen in the life and find ways to adapt to them. To begin with the fact is that people in the society who do not have the education qualification or thinking lead to they have the right to choose a job which they like, they have to accept work that they do not satisfy and will receive low wages. For example, many people have to suffer from physical health to work as a porter to earn more income, even though I know they are not interested in it. In addition, adapting to all the situation, they must find ways to reduce their daily expenses to suit their income. On the other hand, although there are a significant number of bad situations, some residents choose to try to improve themselves to have a better life. Initially, they try to find more job opportunities and they can learn from successful people to have a better job. Besides, they can also earn how to use the technology devices to sell the product online which helps to increase their personal income. For instance, people suffer from diseases such as cancer that can lead to the death and those patients believe that they would have a chance to increase the health to live longer. To sum up, instead of accepting the bad situations, they need to have a positive thinking to pass and improve the unbelievable moment in the life.
It
is believed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to accept their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
even in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
such as the not satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of salary. Others argue that they need to try their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. This essay will
be discussed
both view of this issue and I will give my opinion on the matter.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to accept all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
that happen in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and find ways to adapt to them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the fact is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society who do not have the education qualification or thinking lead to they have the right to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which they like, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accept work that they do not satisfy and will receive low wages.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from physical health to work as a porter to earn more income,
even though
I know they are not interested in it.
In addition
, adapting to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their daily expenses to suit their income.

On the other hand
, although there are a significant number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
residents choose to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves to have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Initially
, they try to find more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
opportunities and
they can learn from successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Besides
, they can
also
earn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technology devices to sell the product online which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase their personal income.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from diseases such as cancer that can lead to the death and those patients believe that they would have a chance to increase the health to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer.

To sum up,
instead
of accepting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
, they need to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking to pass and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the unbelievable moment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The graph below shows the average monthly salary and the prices of black and white and colour TV in Japanese yen from 1953 to 1973,

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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