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Which one do you think makes friendship stronger enjoying good times together or talking about problems and supporting each other v.1

Which one do you think makes friendship stronger enjoying good times together or talking about problems and supporting each other v. 1
IN THIS CONTEMPORARY ERA, EVERYONE WANTS TO EARN MORE AND MORE MONEY FOR MAKING THEIR LIFE BETTER AND LUXURIOUS BUT, THE MINORITY OF MASSES HAVE A HIGH RATE OF SALARY. ALTHOUGH SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY WHILE OTHERS SAID THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD RESTRICT PAY SCALE RATE TO A CERTAIN LEVEL. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS THE PROS AND CONS OF THE ABOVE PROCLAMATION IN SUBSEQUENT PARAGRAPHS, ALONG WITH MY OPINION. TO INITIATE WITH, HAVING AN EXTREMELY HIGH WAGE AFFECTS THE COUNTRY IN VARIOUS WAYS. FORST AND FOREMOST, BODIES WITH HIGH PROFITS PAY A HUGE AMOUNT OF CAPITAL AS A TAX TO THE REGIME AUTHORITIES, WHICH IS USED TO DEVELOP THE INFRASTRUCTURE OF THE NATION AND FURTHER HELPS TO BUILD NEW FACILITIES TO ORDINARY PERSONALITIES. SECONDLY, INDIVIDUALS ALSO HELP OTHERS BY PROPOSING THEIR SMALL AMOUNT OF MONEY TO START UP THEIR OWN BUSINESS. FOR INSTANCE, MANY MILLIONAIRES FINANCIALLY HELP THEIR FRIENDS TO STAND ON THEIR FEET. ON THE OTHER SIDE, IF ONE HOLDS A GREAT QUANTITY OF CURRENCY, THUS OTHERS LOSE MANY OPPORTUNITIES. TO ILLUSTRATE, THE BUSINESSMAN SAVES A LIONS SHARE TO OVERCOME THE LOSSES THEY TAKE, WHICH RESULT IN IMBALANCE SOCIETY ONE IS RICH AND THE OTHER IS POOR. MOREOVER, INDIVIDUALS WITH A HIGH STANDARD DO NOT WANT TO MAKE CONNECTIONS WITH A LOWER STANDARD, WHICH LEADS TO RACISM AMONG PEOPLE. TO CONCLUDE, I OPINE THAT HIGHER AUTHORITIES ALLOW PAYROLLS TO A LEVEL WHICH IS IN FAVOUR OF EVERY CITIZEN AND REDUCE THE CRIME RATE AND DISCRIMINATION BETWEEN PEOPLE.
IN THIS CONTEMPORARY ERA, EVERYONE WANTS TO EARN MORE AND MORE MONEY FOR MAKING THEIR LIFE BETTER AND LUXURIOUS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, THE MINORITY OF MASSES HAVE A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIGH
RATE OF SALARY. ALTHOUGH
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT IT IS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
FOR THE ECONOMY WHILE OTHERS SAID THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
SHOULD RESTRICT PAY SCALE RATE TO A CERTAIN LEVEL. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS THE PROS AND CONS OF THE ABOVE PROCLAMATION IN SUBSEQUENT PARAGRAPHS, ALONG WITH MY OPINION.

TO INITIATE WITH, HAVING AN
EXTREMELY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIGH
WAGE AFFECTS THE COUNTRY IN VARIOUS WAYS.
Possible spelling mistake found.
FORST
AND FOREMOST, BODIES WITH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIGH
PROFITS PAY A HUGE AMOUNT OF CAPITAL AS A TAX TO THE REGIME AUTHORITIES, WHICH IS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
TO DEVELOP THE INFRASTRUCTURE OF THE NATION AND
FURTHER
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELPS
TO BUILD NEW FACILITIES TO ORDINARY PERSONALITIES.
SECONDLY
, INDIVIDUALS
ALSO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
OTHERS BY PROPOSING THEIR
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SMALL
AMOUNT OF MONEY TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
UP THEIR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWN
BUSINESS.
FOR INSTANCE
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
MILLIONAIRES
FINANCIALLY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
THEIR FRIENDS TO STAND ON THEIR FEET.

ON THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
SIDE, IF ONE HOLDS A GREAT QUANTITY OF CURRENCY,
THUS
OTHERS LOSE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
OPPORTUNITIES. TO ILLUSTRATE, THE BUSINESSMAN SAVES A LIONS SHARE TO OVERCOME THE LOSSES THEY TAKE, WHICH RESULT IN IMBALANCE SOCIETY ONE IS RICH AND THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
IS POOR.
MOREOVER
, INDIVIDUALS WITH A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIGH
STANDARD DO NOT WANT TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
CONNECTIONS WITH A LOWER STANDARD, WHICH LEADS TO RACISM AMONG
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
.

TO CONCLUDE
, I OPINE THAT HIGHER AUTHORITIES
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ALLOW
PAYROLLS TO A LEVEL WHICH IS IN
Possible spelling mistake. 'FAVOUR' is British English.
FAVOUR
OF EVERY CITIZEN AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
REDUCE
THE CRIME RATE AND DISCRIMINATION BETWEEN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which one do you think makes friendship stronger enjoying good times together or talking about problems and supporting each other v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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