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Which one do you think makes friendship stronger enjoying good times together or talking about problems and supporting each other v.2

Which one do you think makes friendship stronger enjoying good times together or talking about problems and supporting each other v. 2
Friendship is a heated topic all the time, leading to a wide range of discussions all over the world. There is one statement particularly interest me: The most effective way to build a stronger friendship is to spend as much good time together as possible. However, I hold a different view that talking about problems and having one’s back is of greater importance in terms of a solid friendship for the following reasons. First and foremost, venting one’s emotions and problems can facilitate friend’s knowing of each other since they communicate by heart. As is known to all, a friendship is especially strengthened when people open their heart. That is, to talk about the problem they are confronting, which enables them to reach the softest part of the other without any barricade. For instance, my roommate who was always an optimistic girl with a big smile on her face one day teared alone under a tree. I said I had her back and she told me she was just frustrated by her math grades. I wiped her tears then shared my method in learning math. Even though that method did not help her, she was grateful for me and I felt our friendship strengthened after that conversation about her problem. Another point worth mentioning is that mutual trust is a deciding factor to solidify a friendship, which can be cultivated by talking about problem as well as supporting. To state it more clearly, mutual trust is the foundation of not only a strong friendship, but also a solid relationship in any form. Where there is deep friendship, there is real trust between them. It is not hard to imagine how disappointed you will be if your friend tells you nothing about her problem, such as her having financial difficulty as her parents lost their jobs and she did not have the courage to tell her teacher. Nevertheless, provided that she tells you that, you can support her by encouraging her to tell the truth since she can get financial support from local government, through which your friendship can be deepened as well. Admittedly, having good time together can leave beautiful memory since people tend to clearly remember something happy. Nonetheless, as the famous proverb put it, “A friend in need is a friend indeed, ” mutual understanding and supporting raised from problem-sharing is the essence of every long-lasting friendship. Therefore, one is well-advised to talk about his problems with his friends, since it makes their hearts closer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Friendship
is a heated topic all the time, leading to a wide range of discussions all over the world. There is one statement
particularly
interest me: The most effective way to build a stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
is to spend as much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time together as possible.
However
, I hold a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view that talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and having one’s back is of greater importance in terms of a solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
for the following reasons.

First
and foremost, venting one’s emotions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend’s
knowing of each other since they communicate by heart. As
is known
to all, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
is
especially
strengthened when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
open their heart.
That is
, to talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
they are confronting, which enables them to reach the softest part of the other without any barricade.
For instance
, my roommate who was always an optimistic girl with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
smile on her face one day teared alone under a tree. I said I had her
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
back and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
frustrated by her math grades. I wiped her tears then shared my method in learning math.
Even though
that method did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her, she was grateful for me and I felt our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
strengthened after that conversation about her problem.

Another point worth mentioning is that mutual trust is a deciding factor to solidify a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
, which can
be cultivated
by talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
as well
as supporting. To state it more
clearly
, mutual trust is the foundation of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a solid relationship in any form. Where there is deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
, there is real trust between them. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine how disappointed you will be if your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tells
you nothing about her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, such as her having financial difficulty as her parents lost their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
she did not have the courage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
her teacher.
Nevertheless
, provided that she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tells
you that, you can support her by encouraging her to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tell
the truth since she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial support from local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, through which your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
can
be deepened
as well
.

Admittedly
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time together can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
memory since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
clearly
remember something happy. Nonetheless, as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
proverb put it, “A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
in need is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
indeed
,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
”
mutual understanding and supporting raised from problem-sharing is the essence of every long-lasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
.
Therefore
, one is well-advised to talk about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their hearts closer.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Which one do you think makes friendship stronger enjoying good times together or talking about problems and supporting each other v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
417 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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