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Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. v.7

For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. v. 7
Some consider that parents play a vital role in a child’s development while others contradict that television or friends are of utmost value. In my opinion, parents are highly responsible for their development from upbringing to educating them and friends and video also play a significant role. Parents enable a child to master the necessary developmental skills. Being the child’s first tutor, their role is to provide encouragement, support and happiness. In addition to this, parents can take multiple corrective measures when required to adjust the child’s behaviour because the child’s personality is mostly based on the family, in which they grow up. For example, a recent study by Cambridge University on parental influence on their children predicted that non- working parents who spend most of their valuable time with their children are more confident and well mannered with a successful career in life compared to working parents who provide less attention. It is the family who plays the most critical impact, particularly in the early phase of life. Nevertheless, other contributing factors, such as friendship and television, are highly regarded for the development of a child. This is understandable as children often compare themselves to peers for feedback and make adjustments in the behaviour pattern. However, these adjustments can be positive and negative. For instance, a recent poll by the government in the UK shows a school drop out among younger children and moving for private study due to extreme bullying by their colleagues. In a situation like this, the various anti-bullying campaign has been endorsed by the parents to make awareness and develop positive behaviour. On the other hand, television plays a similar role as friendship, nowadays children learn faster about culture, food and so many things just by a simple touch. Additionally, various scientific programs are freely available. There are many drawbacks of unsupervised use of television; for instance, children can spend most of their time watching TV for longer hours and content that is not age-appropriate. To sum up, parents are a better caretaker for the child’s development compare to friends and television for behaviour development as there are fewer chances of the child being spoiled and more chances for them to adapt.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital role in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
while others contradict that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or friends are of utmost value. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
highly
responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
from upbringing to educating them and friends and video
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a significant role.

Parents enable a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to master the necessary developmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Being the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
first
tutor, their role is to provide encouragement, support and happiness.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can take multiple corrective measures when required to adjust the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
personality is
mostly
based on the family, in which they grow up.
For example
, a recent study by Cambridge University on parental influence on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
predicted that non- working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who spend most of their valuable time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more confident and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well mannered
with a successful career in life compared to working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who provide less attention. It is the family who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
the most critical impact,
particularly
in the early phase of life.

Nevertheless
, other contributing factors, such as friendship and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, are
highly
regarded for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. This is understandable as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
compare themselves to peers for feedback and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
adjustments in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
pattern.
However
, these adjustments can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
For instance
, a recent poll by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a school drop out among younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and moving for private study due to extreme bullying by their colleagues. In a situation like this, the various anti-bullying campaign has
been endorsed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
awareness and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a similar role as friendship, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn faster
Did you mean "to"?
about
culture, food and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by a simple touch.
Additionally
, various scientific programs are
freely
available. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks of unsupervised
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
;
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can spend most of their time watching TV for longer hours and content
that is
not age-appropriate.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are a better caretaker for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
compare to friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
as there are fewer chances of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
being spoiled
and more chances for them to adapt.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
367 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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